A Mother's Journey in Faith

Praise the Lord! Jeremiah's 4!

2010-07-07T18:02:00.001-07:00

Praise the Lord! Jeremiah's 4!
Mummy went searching and asking all around for dairy free cakes for the little one and finally was blessed with a kind baker that would do it for a very good price. And we found him on Saturday after morning mass :) So mummy ordered one 1kg for Jere's school on the actual day 5th July Monday, one 1 kg for the extended family dinner on Sunday, the day before and a 1/2 kg for our little family on the actual day. So excited we all were.

3 days before the birthday, Jerry came down with a high temperature that shot beyond 38 deg. Up and down on Friday and Saturday. Jerry could not go for GROWTH at CSC, his usual Friday party venue. On Saturday morning, our dear friend woke up at 5.30am and insisted on going for morning mass. Taking his temperature, he felt alright so mummy brought him even though daddy says no coz it's cold and he's recovering. Jerry was happy at mass and went for breakfast with our friends and Father Stephen from church. Father Stephen blessed him after mass and he was happy. The temperature came back after we went home though. Sunday, little Jerry refused food which was unusual and we realised he had developed ulcers in his mouth. Poor baby. He refused cold soya bean and all his favourite food, he was not keen :( I brought him to Aunty Sally's house nearby and he saw 1-shape, a food replacement drink and he asked for it so Aunty Sally gave him. He happily finished the bottle and Aunty Sally also gave him a packet of "Essence of Play". We went home and he slept. The evening's dinner with the extended family was cancelled coz Nat came down with fever and a very high temeprature of 38.9 deg. We stayed home and the boys slept till about 10pm and woke up and saw the cakes we collected for Jerry. Jerry was so so excited and had to blow one cake that night. But the poor little boy said, " First time I got a cake but I got the ulcers :("Mummy brought all the dairy free stuff and "jerry-friendly" ingredients to a very kind bakery that did all the beautiful cakes for our dear Jerry :) Praise the Lord! We lit the 1/2 kg cake and thought we will keep the two 1 kg for tomorrow school and family dinner if jerry gets better. Our doggie Bonnie was whining and screaming to be in the pic so there she is right beside me... our boys 10 yr old sister :)
Jerry was pushing mummy away and said "I blow my candles myself... no need help" :P.... Look at him... my sweetpea. How my little baby has grown!
Jerry got this thing of cutting cake this year... he wil chop chop chop the cake :D Jerry goes chop //// chop //// chop ///// :D and he couldn't stop chopping the cake :P After that, he was happy and could go to bed :)
On the 5th July, Jerry woke up with more ulcers in his mouth. This time even on his tongue! School was definitely a no go! Lunch time, mummy decided to do something to cheer him up. Poor little one, caught up at home coz he was not well on his birthday. This was what I did!RED mee sua! RED was his favourite colour :D Look how happy he is but he couldn't eat much coz of his ulcers :( SIMPLE stuff :) organic meesua that was naturally coloured with beetroot I think. Then I just added eggs, minced pork and spinach :) Mummy did not want to leave Korkor Nat out so made him some BLUE mee sua :) Looks kinda weird but the boys love it and actually it's kinda cool :) Then they took their nap. While they were napping, I was thinking, what was I supposed to do with two 1-kg cakes? Then something struck me.... we usually go for RCIA class every Monday night and I thought maybe we could share the cake there! Quickly, I sms the people in charge and told them that I had some cakes to share for their fellowship. I told them about Jerry not being well and not being able to bring the cake to school. Thus we had lotsa cakes to share. Theresa asked me to bring Jerry along and said the people there then could sing birthday song and bless him :) How God had planned for this little one! So it was decided, we will bring the 2 cakes to church! When we were preparing to leave house about 7.30pm that evening, the postman came with a registered mail! BIRTHDAY ICE CREAM CAKE FROM SWENSENS and CLUB RAINBOW! THANK YOU LORD! Jerry was thrilled with the dry ice effect that mummy did with the dry ice that came in the box :P MORE MUMMY MORE! We had to move away from the table coz we were pouring so much water on the dry ice that the water was overflowing. So we moved off to chop the cake. It was tough as it was so frozen that we had to use a knife dipped into hot water. Mummy had to help.... Jerry was a really good boy. He knew he was allergic to cow's milk so he said he just wanted to blow candles and cut the cake, knowing that he cannot take ice-cream cake. When the grandma took the cake, he looked kinda disappointed but he did not shed a tear. Such a good boy!
Then we brought the two 1kg cake to church to celebrate with the RCIA people.... How God arranges Jerry to celebrate with His people :) Here's Jerry with Uncle Eric who always cheers the little one up.... big or small :) Here's Jeremiah with daddy and mummy at the church canteen. Korkor is at home coz of his fever. Sorry Korkor, we missed you! One of the inquirers that was in the RCIA process who was coincidentally the one that Tim was sponsoring... birthday also fell on the 5th July too! so we invited him to cut the cake together :) Jerry was really eager to chop chop chop the cake again! :P Uncle Eric was so so cute! He took out a microphone for Jerry to sing and Jerry sang for the uncle with the same birthday "May the Good Lord bless you!" Here's Father Kenny and little Jerry! How great is our God! Father Kenny was praying and lifting Jerry up for mass when Jerry was born and stuck in NICU for some 2 and half weeks! now 4 years later! How Great is our God!Jerry wants to be a priest like Father Kenny one day! :) The little one always says he wants to be a Father too! :) Another cake at 11pm! with the AH TA (yeye) who was working earlier :) think we were all singing may the good Lord bless YOU! that explains daddy and mummy's mouth shape :P and there our friend goes.... happily chopping the cake again! Pressis Time! awwwww..... kiss tita (our dear helper, Gina)! Grandma and mummy cannot take it :P too lovey!Look how Jerry kisses his dear Tita. Definitely not just for her gift of a set of bible story books.... actually this kiss ain't enough for the love and care she showers on him. That wraps up his 4th birthday celebration with a total of 4 cakes! WOW! How blessed! Thank you Lord for this wonderful blessing Jeremiah and protecting him and keeping him in your Love. Thank You Lord! Lord, grant us the strength and the wisdom and understanding to bring up this little one the way You want us to. Thank You Lord. AMEN!

Mummy has died and is RISEN!

2010-05-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

Praise the Lord!

I had my own personal encounter with the Lord!!!! It's amazing!!!!

After the last post, I felt that I really needed some time with God. I needed a retreat. I needed a personal touch from God. I kept telling the husband... let's do a retreat. Finally, he agreed to do the Conversion Experience Retreat at Catholic Spirituality Centre. We signed up and were on wait list and the day when I posted on the reflection and regrets of a mama, I got the confirmation that we were in the retreat! Praise God!

I had 2 weeks then, well, thereabout to worry about who's gonna take care of the kids while the hubby and I go for the 4 day stay-in retreat. Most of us with young kids always use the kids as an excuse for such stuff. Hubby was rather worried while at the back of my mind, I told myself there's never a good time... just do it and God will take care of it all! Till the day before, we were wondering what's gonna be the logistics for fetching and sending of the boys to school. I prayed and with a leap of faith, I asked my dad to come stay over for the 4 days to help the helper keep an eye on the boys. Then I gave ample money for the helper to take a cab to and fro the schools and drew maps for her just in case the cabbie decided to take her on a wild goose chase.

We told the boys way ahead, slowly everyday from the time we knew we were going that we were going to Catholic Spirituality Centre for a retreat. The boys started a little drama saying they will miss us and don't want us to go. I then explained to Big Bro Nat that he's the big bro and he must be a good example to the small one so please don't drama drama.

We started packing the night before when the boys were asleep so as not to cause unnecessary anxiety in them. Then that morning, we sent Nat to school together and told him to be a good boy. We returned for Jerry and put him in a cab with the helper. Jerry was holding back his tears and kept saying he did not want me to go. I had to distract him by telling him he had to teach our helper how to go to the school and come home coz the helper has never fetched him to school or from school before. He nodded he would do that and in tears boarded the cab.

Tim and I made our way to the centre. Upon reaching, we were greeted by the ministry people, many of whom we were familiar to coz of our attendance at the weekly Friday growth sessions and 4th Saturday healing masses. Before I could even make my way to the stairs of the dormitory, I already had more than 10 people asking who's taking care of the kids of which I answered, " MY BIG BOSS UP THERE! I have left it in the hands of the Lord."

Unknown to me, our good Lord had a whole lot in store for me! so here's the testimony proper!

First, upon entering the auditorium after I had placed my bags in the dormitory, I was looking for the hubby and found him in the first row right in front of the altar! Praise the Lord! Even in our last retreat, the marriage encounter, it was pretty hard to get the man to sit in the front row. I, on the other hand loved the front rows ever since I came to Catholic Spirituality Centre :P I never was a front row person in school :P but as I drew closer to Christ, I can't seem to get enough of His word and wanted every word loud and clear and in my face! The first day went by quickly.
Second day, as we were lifting our hands in praise and worship, I felt a tingly feeling coming in from my finger tips right through to my arms and feeling all warm. I was like WOW WOW WOW!!!!! I knew it was the HOLY SPIRIT! Then when I was feeling the presence of the Holy Spirit, I heard someone sobbing uncontrollably. I turned around to see and saw this girl sobbing uncontrollably as she danced gracefully around the hall. Though I had attended loads of charismatic prayers, praise and worship and healing sessions, both Catholic and the protestants' ( I have never turned down people's invitations to go experience their church as long as I know it's the same God), I never experienced something like this before. I have seen people resting in the spirit and heard people praying in tongues but I never ever GOT IT myself and so I always wondered how did it feel to rest in the Spirit and did these people train themselves to speak that tongue! Well, it almost sometimes sound the same when they start. So after the session, I immediately went up to the hubby and said "WOW WOW WOW!!!!!! DID YOU FEEL IT????" then I explained what I had just experienced. My husband even kidded me saying that I must have secretly brought the bedpad that had the ions and got myself charged. I went back to my dormitory asking the people in there if anyone had experienced what I just did. I was so convinced that it was the Holy Spirit that was moving around in the auditorium. Someone from my dormitory said she also felt the tingly and warm feeling but did not think much of it and thought she was just feeling warm. That night as I went down to the adoration room from 12 midnight to 1am, I still felt the tingly feeling as I spent that hour with the Blessed Sacrament in the adoration room.

Third day, we fasted and prepared ourselves to walk closer to God. We were told to write a letter to Jesus confessing all our darkest sins. Then we had the stations of the cross and we had to carry the cross. Then we were told we can make our confessions after. There were 125 of us and we were told the non-catholics could also do their confession. Father William also told us that the confessions had curtains so not to worry but if we wanted something more personal, we can request a face to face. We queued a long long time! coz there were so many of us and just 8 priests and all of us probably had lots of sins to confess! They lined the hall's perimeter with chairs and we sat all around the hall and were led to the priests when it was our turn. My husband was right across the hall, a good thirty people in front of me. I was the second last in the queue. When it came to my turn finally, I was led to a room. When the door opened, I almost died! I was like oh sh*&! not only there were no curtains, well, actually there was but it was pushed aside and the Father was exposed and I knew the priest! How to confess????? I did not dare to look at the priest and bowed my head and said "Bless me Father for I have sinned." then I was quite speechless. Not that I had no sins.... but I did not know how to do it! I then took out the letter that I wrote to Jesus from my pocket and started reading from there and injected more stuff here and there. I started to cry and Father reached out for some tissue to hand them to me. As he handed to me the tissue, he took some for himself too, blowing his nose. Somehow, I looked up and saw him gently wiping his own tears too. Then I knew.... Jesus was with me! He knew my pains and He is right there beside me! I realise in my pains and hurts, my sorrow and grief, my shame and sin, Jesus is right there! How great is our God!It was the best confession I have ever made! We were told to do it like a deathbed confession. Then when I finished, I was led to a place to burn my letter to Jesus. As I did that, I cried and cried. I knew God has forgiven me for all that I have done. I felt so sad that I have done all these but yet uplifted knowing that I have a God that loves me no matter what I am and so comforted to know that He was right there beside me! That evening during Praise and Worship, another amazing thing happened! As I lifted my hands up in worship, again, I felt the tingly feeling. I closed my eyes. Then I felt a force gently pulling my hands together and moving forward. Then something was placed in my hands and my hands were gently drawn back to me! AMAZING!!!! Totally awesome!!!! I could even feel it throbbing! It was pulsating! I did not know what was it. I did not open my eyes but I kept saying.... Thank You Lord! Thank You Holy Spirit!!!! That evening as I shared with the others, all were very amazed and they all had their different interpretations. I went into adoration and asked the Lord to tell me what is the gift and how I could serve Him.

Fourth and last day is the most amazing day of my life! Father William gave us talks and told us in the afternoon that was the last instalment! During that pray over, as we sang our praise and worship while the Blessed Sacraent was exposed, I fell forward as I knelt. Was it slain? I wasn't sure. I had my doubts coz when a minister came to whisper to me asking me if I was alright, I got up almost immediately. Then I got up and continued my Praise and Worship and prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit. Father William also asked us to ask for the gifts. Ask for the gift of tongue. Soon, Father came over with the Blessed Sacrament and started to pray over me. I fell. Lying on the floor, I felt as if I was there and yet not there. My eyes were closed. Then, suddenly, my tongue started rolling uncontrollably! It was beyond my control. I could feel a heat entering from my head and very intensely at my face near my right cheek. It felt as though the Lord's Hand was upon me!
I wanted to thank the Lord for giving me the gift of tongue but I could only manage an almost inaudible Thank You Lord and I went into tongues again! The rumbling seemed to come from my stomach! and my tongue rolled uncontrollably! Yeah. WOW! I always thought the people speaking in tongues learnt it. Now I understood how Spirit led it was! It was only in the Holy Spirit's time that the tongue stopped rolling and I was able to get on my feet again. I stood up and continued the praise and worship. After a while, I could feel my right hand shaking. It was shaking so so vigorously! I fell again! This time, I fell with my hands outstretched like being crucified on the cross and my legs were kinda open. A part of me, the conscious part was still ... Oh my goodness, I must look terrible. I could feel it. I felt someone putting my legs together. Then my hands. They tried to put my hands on my chest but my hands sprang back into position! The right hand was still shaking vigorously and uncontrollably. I think they knew they cant put the hands back so they left me. My human pride told me to try to gain control. I tried to lift my right hand up so that I could help myself to my feet but my hand just slammed back to the ground. I tried again and the same thing happened.SLAM! my hand went! I tried another time and the same thing happened! I gave up. This time, I thought let me try the left hand since it is not shaking. I lifted up my left hand and it started shaking and slam back down. Anyway, it wasn't easy at all to try to lift up the hands. I surrendered! I told the Holy Spirit. Holy Spirit, I surrender completely to you. That day during mass, Father said. "When you go home, your son would say. Mummy is dead! Mummy is risen." I looked at Nat who was serving mass then and nodded at him with a smile.

After mass, that day, one of the liturgy minister came and told me that he saw I had the gift and asked me to use it on Jeremiah. He told me to go home and pray for Jere.

That night when we went home, daddy asked Nat what he had noticed about us from the retreat.

Nat said, Mummy is dead! Mummy is Risen!

Indeed! Praise the Lord! I have crucified my old self! The me now is a Risen me! AMEN! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!

Then before I went to bed that night, I prayed over Jerry and went into tongues. He felt warm throughout that night. In fact, hot! I thought he was running a temperature but No! he wasn't. I took his temperature. I can only conclude it's the Holy Spirit that has filled him.

The next morning, I saw this flower on the table. It was a flower that Jerry had bought on Sunday at Christ the King church at the 1130am mass. It looked really limp and dead. I felt really terrible and sorry coz Jerry had brought that flower to Catholic Spirituality Centre for me. I have just stuffed it away in the backpack as we were busy with mass and testimonies. And by the time I got home Sunday night at eight plus, I was just too tired and had lots to do like putting the kids to bed and arranging for the dad to be sent back so I had left it there on the table and forgotten all about it. So it was kinda all dead, limp and gone on Monday morning. I am sure u can imagine how dead it looked. I should have taken a picture. I felt so sorry and sad looking at it. I told the helper to put the flower in some water and try to see whatever life more it had to bring it out, hopefully it can be revived. I left the house then to bring jerry to school. that was 8 plus in the morning. When I returned at 1 plus, I could hardly believed my eyes! The flower had bloomed so beautifully that even the helper couldn't believe it! It still remains in its vase today (Friday ) except a little wilted now. As the helper and I wowed over it, I told the helper.... even the flower is given new life. We are more precious than the flowers! AMEN!
The hub, also, usually very tired after a retreat would head straight to bed but after this retreat, he was so spirit-filled that he went on and on talking to the helper together with me till past midnight. The husband and I had decided on our way home from the retreat that we were going to pay for the helper and let her attend the next CER. Just that she got her inhibitions as she is worried that she may have to do things that she would not like to do as before she came to Singapore, she has steered towards the protestants. Though she said she's not baptised in the protestant church, her almost two years here, the only time i see her make the sign of the cross is when she guide my little one's hands to do the sign of the cross. I pray that the Holy Spirit would touch her in His own ways and clear her doubts. I told her, no one can force her to do anything as I have heard people of other faith also were at the retreat I was at. I believe.

It has been the most awesome experience I have had in my so many years of being a Catholic and I urge all of you reading this if you want a personal touch from God, do give this a shot! Our God is a loving, merciful and compassionate God.Praise the Lord!

How great is our God! Thank You Lord!

A Reflection... Putting myself in the kids' shoes...

2010-04-22T19:46:00.000-07:00

With a little regret I pen this, reminding myself that I have to move from here and not get stuck. Originally, I had wanted to blog on Nat's blog but somehow feel that this is something more of a mother's thoughts.

Nat is fast growing up. He is turning 8 this year. I am so guilty as charged for "neglect" of Nat since Jere came about. Thank God I am conscious about it and want to do something about it. God sent His angels to me time and again to remind me what I have done or rather what I have not done for Nat.

There's so much joy in bringing up kids. We just gotta focus on what they have done and not what they have not done. Just like what I always tell Jere "Look at what you are able to do and not what you are not able to do" whenever he asks me "Why mummy? Why I cannot walk?" Yet, I always look at Nat and scream at him for the things he has yet to achieve for me.... like when are you gonna see the dentist and get those rotten teeth fixed? When are you gonna start behaving and stop all your nonsense in school? When am I gonna stop getting the complaints from your teachers?????

I look at my two boys. Both are my own. One well and one not quite. It almost seems natural to lean towards the not quite well child and help him in almost everything I could, almost feeling that it's my fault that he is not walking and he is not well and taking for granted that the well child can only get better without my help at all. It never ever occurred to me that my well child was regressing! What are you thinking mummy?????

Of late, I look at Nat and feel that tinge of regret and sadness. He has definitely been neglected much as Tim and I have denied. We try to give him as much as we can... but most of the times I must say is of material stuff. Yes, we fetch him to school, fetch him from school, give him all the extra curricular activities he asked for, namely golf, piano, swimming, violin.... He asked to join the altar servers at Catholic Spiritual Centre and Christ the King and we let him join. He goes for Kumon English and some Chinese Fun Class in Jere's school but the boy seems not too happy. He's lost the sparkle that I used to see. Last Sunday, Nat wet his bed again! This bet-wetting thing had started since Jerry's coming. He used to be dry since he was one plus! then all of it came back when he was about 4. This time, he did not just wet his bed. He even wet himself after mass. Is there a fear in him, too much to handle? Is he going through extreme stress?

He seems to want our attention more than anything else. He's starting to act up a lot in school. Not handing up his art work for 6 weeks. Why haven't we noticed? He told us that he need not hand up those work as he brought them back week after week and yes we took it as that. Making funny noises in class and distracting his friends during lessons to the point that the form teacher called to say she may have to take him to the Discipline Master. Is this all a result of a lacking of attention? or what the teacher say a symptom of a hyper-active child? I am so frus when I see all these happening that I just wanna scream and punish him each time the teacher complains. I was dealing with the boy not wanting to co-operate with the dentist since last year. But has it ever occurred to me that this was all happening because deep down inside, he was really fearful and insecure? Maybe he just wanted more love and attention from his daddy and mummy? Is it a fault to want the love of mummy and daddy just as how they seem to love the little brother? Is it a fault to feel this sense of insecurity? This child is not even eight years old and it must have been too much for him to handle himself. Poor child.

When I am stressed, I can talk back to my boss... which is dear husband since I am a stay at home mum (sahm). I can go get some chocolates in the refridgerator or chips from the cabinets as comfort food. I have my friends to talk to. I know how to seek God in prayer. But our children are not able to do all these! They can't talk back to us. They would have gotten that tight slap for sure. They can't reach out for any comfort food as all those are controlled food for their age. They don't have friends who could listen and advise at that age. They also have not been taught enough to seek God in prayer and contemplation.

Looking at Nat, he is like any other being, wanting to be accepted. He carries around toys he thinks as cool to be more secure and confident. Guess that is his comfort too. He can't talk back at us adults so he snaps at Jere whenever he has that opportunity and that doesn't help at all coz in the process, Jere learns to speak nasty too and we parents get mad at Nat coz he snaps at Jere first.... but have we slowed down to think why did he snap in the first place? He misbehaves and gets some attention though not quite the right kind of attention. He can't seek junk food for comfort to release the stress he is experiencing. His relationship with me, his mummy is a love hate one. He loves me coz I am his mummy, I suppose. I give and provide him a lot, if not all of the stuff that he needs and wants. He hates me for the discipline I deliver. From the horse's mouth itself I got that "mummy don't like me. mummy don't love me." Nat probably does not understand at all when I scream or punish him. He just understands it as hurt. And yes, I may have hurt him both physically and emotionally. It sounds a tad too serious and scary... and yes, sometimes we parents may have done that without realising it. Kids these days are more aware and sensitive. Neither do I understand my outbursts too at times. Have I neglected my prayer life, meditation and contemplation?

How to fix all these?
1. I have to fix myself. Put aside fixed and regular time for prayer, meditation and contemplation.
2. Reconcile with Nat. Heal all those hurts. Just like what Father William always say, we should have our "penitential service" with our spouse and our children.
3. Reconnect with Nat. Do not take for granted his well-being. Set time for Nat.

Nat, I love you and your brother Jeremiah. I pray that I will be a good mother to you children. Thank You Lord Jesus for giving us Mary to be our mother as You said to John "Behold your mother". Lord Jesus, help me in my role of motherhood to maintain an attitude of trust and confidence in God as Mary did. Father Lord, You have plans for these children, help me to be like Mother Mary, how she went through the pain in sharing so closely the mission of her divine son. Father Lord, fill me up and make me whole.

Like the woman at the well I was seeking
For things that could not satisfy;
And then I heard my Savior speaking:
"Draw from my well that never shall run dry".

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul.
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more.
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

There are millions in this world who are craving
The pleasures earthly things afford.
But none can match the wondrous treasure
That I find in Jesus Christ my Lord.

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul.
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more.
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

So, my brother, if the things this world gave you
Leave hungers that won't pass away,
My blessed Lord will come and save you,
If you kneel to Him and humbly pray:

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul.
Bread of heaven, feed me till I want no more.
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

A call from the hospital....

2010-04-22T00:54:00.000-07:00

The other side of the line: Is this Jeremiah mummy?

Me: Yes

Other side: This is calling from KKH X-ray Dept

Me: Yes?

Other side: Jeremiah has an appointment for DMSA on the 28th April right?

Me: Yes?

I was trying to interrupt but could not... coz I wanted to say I did not want to go for this DMSA thing.

Other side: Looks like we gotta postpone this appointment.

Me: BEST! THANK YOU LORD!

Other side: (sounding a little baffled) We ran out of the medicine and it's run out world wide!

Me: Praise the Lord!

Other side: (Sounding like she was trying to control her amusement) We will let u know again.

Me: It's ok! Praise the Lord!

I never did wanted the test anyway... and was thinking how to avoid it. Could not do anything but ask the Lord, my God and He sure works in His own mysterious ways!

I was so so amazed and over the hills that I had to immediately go share it with the helper the news and of coz to dear husband when he came home.

Upon hearing what I told him,
Dear Husband: Only God is capable of this. Run out of medicine worldwide! WOW! YOU must put this on your blog....

So here it is! ALL YOU READING THIS! AIN'T HE AMAZING????? YES! HE ANSWERS PRAYERS!!! HE SURE DOES! NEVER EVER DOUBT HIM :) THANK YOU LORD! YOUR GRACE STILL AMAZES ME!

Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
each day i fall on my knees
'cause Your grace still amazes me
Your grace still amazes me

Update on the tests!

2010-04-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

Two tests done!
The ultrasound and the MCU was done last week April 12th. Mummy sent out prayer requests to all. Thank you all for your prayers.

Everything went smooth. Praise the Lord.
We started off by buying Jerry a Mr Bean ice cream upon reaching the hospital to kinda calm his nerves.
Then we went for the ultrasound. Ultrasound was smooth. No crying. Not a tear. However, as we were doing the ultrasound, Jerry could hear the crying of the child next door in the MCU room which got him a little worried.
When it was Jerry's turn to go in the MCU room, he was all apprehensive but still, he was a good boy and changed into his x ray robes nicely.

Then we entered the room. He was so scared he refused to be put down. Daddy started to make some monkey faces to distract him.
Nevertheless, we had him put down. He started crying. He looked really scared. Poor baby. Even mummy gotta wear some "space suit". Mummy finally managed to make Jerry smile after crying for some 20 min. He was intimidated by the "space shuttle" that he had to lay in and the catheter that went in his privates and the tapes all around the area.
Look at Jerry! Despite the fear, he manages a smile :)
Mummy had to distract distract distract.... talking about everything under the sun and holding the camera to make him smile as Jerry is one vain little boy. He will always try to pose when he catches the camera in his line of sight.
Here he is, posing after being convinced the "space shuttle" is not gonna crush him.

Usually when the scans are ok, they will tell us to follow up with the doctors after. If they look look see see and worry,and start to call the consultants down and all that, that's when we gotta worry too.

No news = Good news!

So our appointment with the urologist would be 27 May 2010.
Meantime, pray that all is well :)
Thank You Lord for protecting Jeremiah and keeping him in your care.

2 tests in 2 days' time

2010-04-10T01:37:00.000-07:00

Please keep us in prayers.

Please pray that the procedures will be smooth and the results would be positively good.
AMEN!

Test dates

2010-04-05T01:01:00.000-07:00

given.....

1.Ultrasound 12 April 2010 2pm

2.MCU 12 April 3.30pm

3.DMSA 28 April 10am

4. Dr Yap review 27 May 1110am

the nurse called and gave me the above dates and time.
She said the UDS slots are full so hang on... I said... best! if everything all full :P then no need any tests..... The nure must have thought this mummy was mad :P but no, mummy's not mad.... just keep the faith coz our Lord healeths Jerry :)

Please pray for good results as we approach the tests.

Blessed Easter Everyone!

2010-04-04T19:19:00.000-07:00

Our family attended our first triduum at Catholic Spiritual Centre over the Good Friday Weekend.
We had the Seder meal on Holy Thursday, attended the Good Friday Mass, and the Easter Mass and party all there!

It's amazing how God has brought us closer to Him through our children. We were first led to Catholic Spiritual Centre (CSC) by Jeremiah, our little one when he was born coz people suggested we take him to the 4th Saturday healing mass at CSC. Then last year 2009, it was announced that they needed altar servers there. Nat was keen and for once, daddy was ready to commit to bringing the boy to the trainings and all that... and so we became more committed to that place. Nat started to serve in more masses and our family started to go there more. God sure works in His own amazing ways!

This Easter, Nat also did his debut serve in Christ the King Church. Nat also told mummy this.....

Nat: Mummy, I don't want to get married next time. I want to be like Father William. I want to train under him and be a good priest like him.

I smiled and said.... PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!

Jerry watches his brother Nat serve mass and start to join his hands and bow and swing whatever he gets on his hands saying he is doing the incensing.... I know this little one can't wait to grow up, stand and walk and serve the Lord.

so we bring him to his Catechesis of the Good Shepherd every Sunday and recently, he is learning the colours

learn it well, Jerry. You're on your way... You'll have no problem when you enter the vestry next time *wink*

Urologist update

2010-03-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

Bleah... I was kinda blown over and beaten when I brought little Jere for his check up on the 25th March. The dear dr Y decided to throw me all the tests and what nots yet again! Standard procedure I suppose.

Our appointment was 1140am and we reached there on time. but waited till 1pm still not Jere's turn. I then asked the nurse if Jere needed any routine urine test. Staff R then said ok she will go ask the dr. The minutes were ticking by and I knew I had to chase them as Nat was waiting for me in school. Though I had forewarned him that I was going to be late, I did not want to be too too late. The nurse came out soon after and said yes but asked me to wait.
I said...can I do it myself?
She said no... no.
I said ok, please hurry then, my older boy is waiting for me to fetch him from school.
Soon after, I was asked to go into the treatment room and they got ready to catheter Jere's urine out for the test.

The staff and nurse manager talking among themselves: we send for 2 la ah?
Me: what test are u going to send for? the usual standard FEME?
Staff: Probaly FEME and culture
Me: FEME can liao la. FEME results come out, normal blood count want to do culture for what?
Staff: er... mummy, we gotta ask dr first

Dr came in....
Dr: wah... mummy you bully my nurse ah? you can do the Clean Intermittent Catheter (CIC) yourself right?

Me:(almost dumbfounded) Well, I offered. Your nurse want to do herself, what can I do?

I thought it was rather strange for the Dr to greet me that way. The hospital has signs to protect their staff saying that people cannot abuse them verbally. What about the other way round?

Dr: Ok, mummy, we gotta do all the tests again. It's been about 1 year since we did any tests.

Me: errrrrr.... what tests?

Dr: (flipping thru the thick file) Ultrasound, MCU, UDS, DMSA. I will order them all for you. You make a date with my nurses ok?

Me: Must we do all of them? Can we just do the basics? Like just the ultrasound?

Dr: No, mummy. These are all the basics.

and so.....

Lined up....

1.Ultrasound
A renal ultrasound is a safe and painless test that uses sound waves to make images of the kidneys, ureters, and bladder.

The kidneys are a pair of bean-shaped organs located toward the back of the abdominal cavity, just above the waist. They remove waste products from the blood and produce urine. The ureters are thin tubes that carry the urine to the bladder.

During the examination, an ultrasound machine sends sound waves into the kidney area and images are recorded on a computer. The black-and-white images show the internal structure of the kidneys and related organs.

Why It's Done
Doctors order renal ultrasounds when there's a concern about certain types of kidney or bladder problems. In Jerry's case, a neurogenic bladder.
Renal ultrasound tests can show:

•the size of the kidneys
•signs of injury to the kidneys
•abnormalities present since birth
•the presence of blockages or kidney stones
•complications of a urinary tract infection (UTI)
•cysts or tumors

2.MCU
[1] The MCU remains essential and a primary tool for the diagnosis and evaluation of infants and young children with many genitourinary disorders, and this procedure is used to obtain specific diagnostic information not already provided by other imaging modalities. The MCU demonstrates anatomy of both the bladder and urethra and the presence or absence of vesicouretral reflux (VUR); it also provides information about the function and co-ordination of the bladder and urethral sphincter. [2] It remains the investigation of choice for delineating the anatomy and determining the function of the lower urogenital tract.

Simply said, Jere is having an MCU to find out if he has problems with his bladder or urethra or a condition called urinary reflux. An MCU is an x-ray test of the bladder as it fills and empties. We've done this a couple of times and everytime we do this, jerry comes out in tears and traumatised. This is what they do.
He is made to lie in the "space shuttle" and gently restrained by some velcro belts.
a nurse or doctor will clean the area around the opening of the urethra (the tube from which urine passes out of the bladder) with a mild antiseptic and then insert a catheter (a soft thin plastic tube) up through the urethra and into the bladder
the catheter connects to a bottle of contrast (dye)
the bladder is slowly filled with the dye
the dye allows the bladder to be seen on x-rays
the doctor, or x-ray technologist, will take x-ray pictures while Jerry is weeing
the doctor checks these; if they are okay the catheter is removed
the solution is washed off before a final x-ray

3.UDS
A urodynamics study is a series of tests that gives the doctor a detailed look at the function of the bladder and urethra. These tests can help the doctor evaluate any problems with storing urine or voiding (eliminating) urine from the body.
The lower part of the urinary tract includes the bladder (which stores urine until you’re ready to release it) and the urethra (the canal that carries urine from the bladder out of the body). Signals from the brain tell the sphincter (muscles around the opening of the bladder) when to relax and the bladder when to contract to let urine flow out of the body.

Jere is said to Need a Urodynamics Study to assess the neurogenic bladder as he's a spina bifida baby and these children are believed to not empty their bladder completely since their urine stream seems weak and intermittent. According to the drs at his birth, the spincter is not opening when it should to release the urine

4.DMSA
A DMSA renal scan is a diagnostic imaging procedure that is used to evaluate the anatomy and physiology of the kidneys. Some radiopharmaceutical called Technetium-99m DMSA will be injected into the child's veins. After the injection, the child will be free to leave the department and will be given a time to return for imaging, typically three to four hours after the injection. This delay allows the kidneys to absorb the radiopharmaceutical. When you return, you/your child will be asked to void and imaging will begin. Imaging will be approximately 30-60 minutes. It is important that the child remain as still as possible to allow for the best possible images. Thus in a case like Jere, he gotta be put to sleep! which i do not like at all... in other words, he will be put on GA if the medicine to knock him out does not work. And of course, the child may experience the discomfort associated with the insertion of the intravenous needle. I do remember the drs could not locate Jere's vein and ended up poking him at his feet and hands all. Once the radiopharmaceutical is injected, the needle is withdrawn and a gauze bandage with adhesive tape is placed over the site of the injection. The area where the injection was given may be a little sore or rather very sore for a little child.

Came home and talked to Tim. I did not like the DMSA at all. I remember doing it when Jerry was barely one and this procedure involved injecting a nuclear medicine in and putting him in the "space shuttle". Of course, the MCU also involves the darn space shuttle too. The ultrasound is the least invasive and I really don't feel like doing anything except for the basic basic ultrasound.
Yikes!

Lord, please guide me and tim to make the best decisions for Jeremiah. We know You got plans for Jeremiah Lord. Plans to prosper, not to destroy.

Please pray for us that we will listen to God's prompting and make God-led decisions.

Stuff we use for Jerry's Skin

2010-03-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

We have tried and tested so many products for Jerry's skin. What worked for one need not work for another. This is just a record of what we have used.

Medicines:
1.Hydrocortisone
2.Foban
3.Bactroban
4.Elomet
5.Elidel
6.Dermanol

Organic and Naturals
1. Akin
2. Jericho's sea Mud and salts and body butter
3. Perfect Potion Calendula infused oil
4. Natralia Nourish Eczema and Psoriasis Cream
5. Hero stick
6. Baby Balm
7. Earth Mama, Angel baby
8. California Baby's Calendula, Aloe Vera

Off the Shelf stuff
1. Body Shop Shea Body Butter
2. Boots Baby Bath, shampoo and lotion (from Bangkok)
3. Palmer's Olive Butter
4. Palmer's cocoa butter

Our conclusion: Boots baby products works well for little jerry so if any of you are going bangkok, do us this big favour to bring it back and we will come pick it from you at the airport and even fetch u home :)

We have stopped all steroidal stuff for Jerry and using the Boots baby stuff and organic calendula oil when the skin is really dry and Natralia when it's red.

Thank you Lord for bringing us the right things :)

Jerry's skin is healed :)

2010-03-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

Praise the Lord! Jerry's skin is healed.

Thank you Lord for leading us to the various things that helped Jerry's skin to get better.

From the last post in January, we watched Jerry's diet real close, making sure that there was no milk products to trigger anything. We told him he cannot kneel on the church floor as the dust would trigger his eczema. Hence, we put him on the seat to kneel.

We realised what were the products to use for cleaning him. Boots baby products worked really well for him. Gentle enough for him and yet he smell good. By right, for these sensitive skin, they are supposed to use fragrance free products but .... :P then we use the e.excel antibacterial wash when it gets really red to wash away the bacteria and we apply the natralia eczema cream.

Also, we used some homeopathic drops to help him to build up his resistance to dairy products and dust. We also started to give him fish oil to help give his skin more oil? :P He's looking great now :) Here's a pic of him this march holidays while he was playing sand at Tioman

Eczema strikes again!

2010-01-29T10:01:00.000-08:00

Started from the 21st with little red dots at the thigh.
What triggered it? We weren't sure. Maybe it was the diet? Coz Mummy added so little scallop bits in the brocolli to try. Before we could nap the culprit, Jerry's whole body kinda flared in the next few days.
What triggered?
Only conclusion.... DUST MITES! Daddy allowed him to kneel in church and he probably got the allergy of dust mites triggered.
RED AND ANGRY Jerry's whole body became!
"MURDER" took place the next few nights and days whenever he slept. His bed sheets would be covered with blood. Not little spots but whole big patches! His neck was scratched till all bloody and raw. He can't even hold his violin up with his neck. He screamed everytime we take him to the bath as if it was chickens to the slaughter. Poor baby!

Lord, I pray for healing and wholeness for Jeremiah. I pray that sickness and infirmity will have no place or power in his life. I pray for protection against any disease coming into his body. Whenever there's sickness , disease or infirmity in his body, Lord I pray that you would just touch him with Your healing power and restore him to perfect health. Deliver him from any destruction or injury that would come upon him. Specifically Lord, now i ask You to heal Jeremiah of his eczema. Thank You Lord. I lay claim to the heritage of healing which You have promised in Your Word. Your Word in Psalm 107:20 says, "He sent His word and healed them and delivered them from their destruction". Lord I look to You for a life of health, healing and wholeness for my child. This I ask in the mighty name of Jesus. AMEN!

Blessed New Year!

2010-01-05T09:48:00.000-08:00

It's the 6th day of the New Year and before I start,

A BLESSED NEW YEAR TO ALL! WORK HARD! PLAY HARD! LOVE HARD! SEIZE THE DAY! XOXOXO

Thank You Lord for bringing me thru 2009 and helping me to see 2010 with a new light!

We started our new year at Catholic Spiritual Centre, celebrating mass at 10.30pm, counting down and fellowship with nice warm porridge. Jeremiah came home saying," Mummy, I like the salty porridge at CSC." :P No, it wasn't salty at all... in fact, it was really quite yummy....coz we never put salt or msg in the food we cook especially for Jere and maybe jere's vocab is quite limited :P We came home at almost 1.30am. We had a great time and what other Beautiful way to kick start yet another year abundant full of blessings.... :)

Dare to dream. Live that dream. Together we will scale greater heights!
God bless!

Jere at the cardiologist

2009-10-28T07:56:00.000-07:00

We were scheduled for a cardiologist appointment some one week ago 21st October 2009 after dr after dr heard a murmur in his heart. The little one's growing up... he started to have his fears of going to the dr and the hospital. I kept having to psycho him that it was gonna be all right. He feared that the drs were gonna hurt him. He had this really sullen look as we set off.

As I was driving out of the carpark of our place, I prayed aloud with him, telling him that everything's gonna be all right coz it is just JESUS in his heart. We prayed that the Lord goes before us and bless the attending doctors and medical staff and that we will only walk out of that place glorifying His name! a big AMEN to that and we were on our way!

When we reached, we headed straight to the heart centre, got ourselves registered and sat there waiting. As we waited, the human nature got the better of me and I started to worry. I started to sms a friend who's daughter had a murmur and then had a heart op at KKH. She called me back immediately. Just as I was talking to her, a dear friend came and sat in front of us. It was none other than a dear sister in Christ, Eunice. It was such a pleasant surprise to Jere that he was stunned to beyond words as he looked at me. Eunice is our best supporter ever since she knew us. Whenever, Jere had any procedure or test, she would always be there with something to encourage us. Then Jere's name was called.

Jeremiah!
I quickly took Jere and entered the room.
In short, the doctor was really nice. Thank you Lord for going before us. Here's the gist of what transpired.
The Dr said, "Jeremiah! That's a beautiful name! I like your name."
Wow! That was a good start. I sat Jere on the patient's chair and the dr started to make small talk with Jere. Jere looked at him suspiciously.
Dr: Hi Jeremiah! I am Dr Chen.
Me: He's a little apprehensive coz he's been to lotsa drs recently. Also he had a bad flare of his eczema due to the haze and had blood test and all so he's a little apprehensive.
Dr: ok. Don't worry Jeremiah. I'm just gonna do a little check on your heart.
Jere: Just check?
Dr: Yes. Just check.
Jere: No injection?
Dr: No. No injection. Dr's juz gonna listen to your heart ok? (putting on his stethoscope and moving towards Jere)
Jere: Just check? No injection?
Dr: No.
Dr proceeded to listen to Jere's heart, his tummy, his neck. Jere sat really still. Then the Dr said, " OK. Sounds ok, but we'll do a little scan just to make sure. You gotta go to the next room. Meanwhile you wait outside till you are called ok? Jeremiah, can we take a picture of your heart and we will see. What is in your heart?
Jere: JESUS!
Dr: Wow! Jesus! Ok Jeremiah and mummy, you wait outside first ok?
Jere looked at the doctor and said very firmly "YOU ARE A GOOD DOCTOR!"
That really took the doctor aback.
Dr (smiling): Wow! This is the first time a child comes in and tells me I am a good doctor! I am flattered!

A child definitely knows who is kind and who's not :P

There are certain appointments that Jere just keeps saying "Oout! Out! I wanna go out! I wanna go home!" when he is in the doctor's office.

We went out to wait for our turn for the scan. There, Eunice was still waiting for us.This time, she brought us some really wonderful pictures that she took when we volunteered in a Club Rainbow fund raising event. They were really beautifully taken pictures. It kept us busy and before we knew it, Jere's name was called again. We went into the room with the photos and all. Dr Chen was in there and he gently told Jere to lie down and started his ultrasound. I am not sure how long we were in there but it did not seem too long as the dr and the technicians in there were really friendly as they chatted with Jere and distracted him.
Then Dr Chen said, " Looks ok. But lemme get the consultant in to check"
Soon another Dr stepped in with Dr Chen and he was introduced as Dr Tan.
Dr Tan looked at the scans and then he gave his verdict.
" Looks like a normal heart! It's what we call an innocent murmur."
Me: Praise the Lord! Thank You Lord!
Dr: You can be discharged and don't need to return here again.
Me: Praise the Lord! Thank You Lord!

IT IS A NORMAL HEART.... JUST WITH JESUS IN THERE! Praise the LORD!

Thank You Lord! THank You Lord!
Thank You Eunice for being ever so supportive!
Thank you all for your prayers!

Kungfu Panda!

2009-10-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

Jerry was playing with his kungfu panda toys that we got from Mac's sometimes back. He put them all in position, all in that kungfu stance, all lined up nicely. You know the kungfu stance that these toys all have, with at least one hand raised. Then Jerry shouted to us all and said....
"Look! they are all singing praise and worship!"
and Jerry went "Alleluia! Alleluia!"

I was struck! I was like OH WOW! It's amazing how my little one see a kungfu stance to one of singing praise and worship. Yes! I am so amazed!

Thank you Lord for blessing me with this little one!

What's in your heart Jerry?

2009-10-20T09:54:00.000-07:00

Dr Seow from KKH asked after he listened to Jerry's heart.

As advised by Jerry's paed after a vaccination visit, I asked Dr Seow to listen to Jerry's heart as the paed said he heard a murmur and asked me to ask the drs at kkh to hear again and refer to the cardiologist if necessary.

And what's Jerry's reply to Dr Seow's question of "What's in your heart Jerry?"

Jerry: JESUS!

Yup, Jesus is indeed in Jeremiah's heart! AMEN!

and so we are scheduled to see the cardiologist at 1540hr KKH on the 21st Oct 2009.

Dear husband is worried and said he will try to meet me at the hospital to hear what the doctors have to say. To that I replied, it's just JESUS. It was Jesus murmuring to the dr ;)

Jeremiah will be well. Nevertheless, keep us all in prayers especially our little one.

God bless one and all!

Jere's Manual Competence

2009-08-02T11:40:00.000-07:00

Let's look for the Russian dolls for Jere to play to improve his manual competence as he takes the small ones out of the big ones. Hhhhmmmm, maybe I could find them in my mum's place... Grandma just seems to love to collect all these kinda stuff and I am quite sure I can find it there :P

We've managed to get a contact who is selling off their brachiation ladder third hand. Maybe we should go get the brachiation ladder and put it over the bed! That way, we don't have to worry about them falling and they should be able to stand on the bed on tiptoes and grasp on the rungs of the ladder and swing. Also, Jere could very well use that as an overhead ladder to start walking and straighten his feet. Now how cool is that :P

Right now, Jere has been hanging on the brachiation ladder at his centre and can hang a good 20 seconds on his good days.

A song for Brachiation :) to the tune of Alouette:
"Bra-chi-a-tion,
We love Bra-chi-a-tion
Bra-chi-a-tion's the game we love to play.
First we put the left arm out
Then we put the right arm out -
Left arm out, right arm out, oh...."

Thank You Lord for opening up the doors!

Mobility: Confirmed Creeper!

2009-08-02T10:52:00.000-07:00

I read in Glenn Doman books:
The goal at stage III, the midbrain - mobility competence, this level is for the baby to reach a total of 400 yards of creeping in a day.

1 yard = 0.9144 m
400 yards = 360m

creeping is moving in all fours in a quadruped position.

and yes, Jere has surpassed that. Jere's creeping a good 400m a day (recorded) of coz he creeps more than that in reality coz that is his main form of transportation which we do not purposely record.

The more he creeps, the closer he is to total midbrain development. The more he creeps, the closer he is to walking. AMEN!

Right now, Jere is a confirmed creeper. He creeps in cross-pattern. He goes wherever he pleases. Thank You Lord!

How right Glenn Doman books have said that they have never seen a baby who can creep four hundred yards who can't pull himself to a standing porsition holding onto a piece of furniture. Jere pulls himself to a stand. Only thing is his right foot is bent inwards and feels rigid while his left foot seems a little floppy. This prevents him from standing properly. Please pray that his feet will be straighten and strengthen and be what they should be. I believe Jere will walk and without walking aids! AMEN!

An activity to start: Place Jere at the bottom of the stairs and encourage him to creep up. This activity should be advocated at stage III as it puts the child into a position where his body is approximately 45 degrees from the steps, thus working toward being in an upright position.

On average, Jere takes approximately 2 min 11 s thereabout to climb up a flight of 20 stairs. Way to go! my little angel!

More pics of Jere's birthday

2009-07-20T17:59:00.000-07:00

More Pictures of Jerry's Birthday party! The first pic with Yee ma and Yee papa and precious faith and of coz korkor nat. the second is with godma, godpa korkor owen and megan and of coz my dar dar, mummy and korkor nat! and last but not least is jere and his pressi from aunty lingling and aunty say lian! love u all!

How God watches over us!

2009-07-20T17:47:00.000-07:00

Thank You Lord!
We were asked to share our bite size of testimony in our friday budding aka cell group and my dear wifey shared about how our good Lord had protected Jeremiah.

It happened on that day that i took half a day off to join michele in speaking to Father Adam, a priest from Hong Kong who travels here once a year to share about how to manage a program for Jeremiah's home education. Jeremiah was having lotsa of fun playing pretend drum performance for Father Adam : ) when he suddenly lost his balance and fell forward out of his stroller. Mummy had just placed him back in his stroller without buckling him up as he had been wanting to come out and sit back in his stroller and fussing as we had a three hour or even more session with Father Adam. Thank God Jere managed to break the fall with his hands as he fell out headfirst out of his stroller. Thank You Lord for your protection over Jeremiah!

We were very inspired to do more for Jere. Managed to download the recommended read "What to do when we do not have a doctor" at Hesperian Foundation website.

A comment that Father mentioned that stuck with me "Jeremiah is a special child, a miracle from God that brings the whole family together stronger". Thank God for guiding us there.

What Jere's been up to?

2009-07-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

No hospital appointments :P
Ok. Mummy decided to put off all hospital appointments till the H1N1 thing is blown over.
So, NO MRIs, No catheterisation, no medical for the moment coz mummy thinks, if it is nothing life-threatening, we are not gonna put ourselves, especially the little one to any risk. We walk by faith and not by sight.

One week of school has passed since school reopened. This has been the second week of school. Jere's getting the hang of things back again. So you ask, what does Jere do in school. Lemme fill you in. definitely no mean feat ;)

Jere does:
1. Patterning - at least 4 sets of 5 min each time, target is 6 sets at least. However if i focus too much on this, I lose the time to do the other stuff. It's really such a dilemma. To top it all, when I attended the "What to do" course in July 2007, I was told then that Jere should do at least 12 sets a day. How to do>? There's simply not enough time when we are in school, and not enough hands when we are at home.

2. Commando Crawl - Target - 3 sets of 80m. That makes 240m. These days, Jere does 2 sets of 120m. Hhhmmmm, maybe I can slowly increase his distance now.

3. Doggy Crawl - 3 sets of 120m which makes 360m. Now, Jere's been doing 2 sets of 160m which makes us fall short of 40m.

4. Hanging on the monkey bar - Jere has worked up to hanging 19 seconds now. Praise the Lord!

5. Gym work - Jere has been upgraded from an inclined log roll to rolling 3 to 4 sets of 12 rolls each time on the gym mat set up on the floor.

6. Spiritual - Jere loves lighting the candle and saying a little prayer and singing a little song. Now's he's been singing "Who built the ark? Noah Noah!". He now can turn the globe and spot the little red dot that Aunty Lingling has drawn on Israel and say out loud "ISRAEL!"

Of coz, Jere has learnt many other things like opening and closing jar lids, rolling and unrolling of mats on the floor, scooping of beans, dry pouring of beans, pegging and playing balls to refine his motor skills.

Thank God for the Amazing Clouds to keep me on my toes in terms of Jere's schooling.

All in a day's work

2009-07-10T01:26:00.000-07:00

Almost daily now ferrying the kids Nat and Jerry to schools, in the morning to St. Gabriels and in the evening both of them to Kumon lessons. Last evening when i dropped by just in time to pick Jerry up for his turn to Kumon cos it was raining, He said "Thank you dar dar for fetching me"..That really made my day's work worth it.

Its the child that really appreciates that shows us the way to the Lord.

Jesus, however, said, "Let the little children come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heaven belongs to people like these." Matthew 19:14

Jere's "likes" and "don't likes"

2009-07-09T06:48:00.000-07:00

It was a regular Tuesday morning and we were all doing patterning for the little one, the activity he kinda avoids most so mummy dearest tried to distract him by talking to him and telling him what are the attractive stuff that comes after. Here's how the conversation went.

Mummy: Jere, you wanna do bells? (some sound works that I do with him. Jere loves musical instruments and music)

Jere: YES! (and he starts singing) Jingle bells Jingle bells!

Aunty Say Lian: Oh you like christmas? Do you like Santa Claus?

Mummy: No! He's scared. He's afraid of dress-ups.

Jere: I don't like Santa Claus. I scared.

Aunty Florence: Then what do you like?

Jere: I only like pretty girls!

Everyone burst out laughing!

Aunty Florence: That's a good one!

Wow! At 3 years and 2 days exactly, our dear friend can tell us he likes pretty girls. I thought that was hilarious.

Jeremiah's 3rd Birthday

2009-07-09T00:35:00.001-07:00

was celebrated with lotsa love and cheer and blessing and prayers with all our wonderful clouds brothers and sisters in the clouds! Check out the great big family! I think it's a beautiful beautiful pic! Way cool!

They are beautiful

2009-07-08T21:55:00.000-07:00

My 2 angels. Thank God for them. As Jerry turns 3, next we will be look at Nat turning 7. Time flies as i recall all the diaper changing times. Now look at them...Cheeky pirates!

Jeremiah turns 3!

2009-07-04T09:59:00.001-07:00

Praise the Lord for His wonderful blessings and protection! Thank you all for your prayers and for journeying with us!

This year, we decided to celebrate Jeremiah's birthday with the Clouds of Praise . The Clouds people had been Jeremiah's favourite people, bestest friends since last year and we thought what better way and people to celebrate with than the clouds and in the clouds! Thank You Lord for sending these clouds to us! Thank you our dear clouds friends! You guys have been the best support ever! God bless the clouds in their mission.

So if you guys are free on the 5th July 2009 and wanna catch up with Jere, do join us for some Praise and Worship at 1030am at 27c Hong Kong Street opposite Clarke Quay MRT station, opposite Central Mall :) followed by a little bite and some cake ;)

See Ya! Blessed Sunday!

Love,
Mama Mich :)

MCU

2009-04-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

The little one will be having an MCU on the 27th April 2009 3.30pm . May our Good Lord send forth His Holy Spirit and guide the medical staff as they do the procedure for Jeremiah. Let it bring good news! AMEN! Please pray for positively good results. AMEN!

DON'T STOP!

2009-04-22T10:01:00.000-07:00

DON'T STOP! DON'T GIVE UP!

That's the latest cheer that Jere came up with while he does his commando crawl and doggie crawl daily.

Picture the little one doing the commando and saying that "DON'T STOP! DON'T GIVE UP! Keep trying!"

Really melts my heart! He's just 33 and a half months!

My little warrior! He will be exalted of the Lord, the meaning of his name! AMEN!

Mummy, Can I bless the people?

2009-03-09T07:05:00.001-07:00

It was a hot Saturday afternoon and as usual, after the session. we went to the front and mummy dipped Jere's little right hand in the holy water and guided him with the sign of the cross. After Jere finished with his sign of the cross, his little hands was still quite wet with the holy water.
Jere: Mummy, I still got holy water.
Flinging his little hand at the people around, Jere asked," Mummy can I bless the people?"

Skin Review at National Skin Centre

2009-03-09T06:49:00.000-07:00

It was Wednesday, 4th March 2009. Jere had an appointment at the National Skin Centre.

The first thing when I got there was to see whose name was on the door of the consulting room that we were to enter. When I saw it was the Ass. Prof's name that did not give me a good time some 4 months ago, immediately, I took Jere to a side and told Jere," Jere, shall we say a little prayer that our good Lord goes before us and bless the Doctor and guide her with her diagnosis and treatment and also her mind and heart that she would be kind and compassionate and speak blessings.

When it was our turn, we went in. As usual, the prof had a junior dr with her and the prof was at the computer, typing away. However, this time, the prof came forward to see the spots that developed in Jere some 2 days ago. Yes, just when I said Jere was healed and just when we had an appointment, the spots decided to come on. Fortunately, the prof said it was not a biggie and that if we did not use the proper moisturisers, the spots would return. Then, I whipped out the photos of Jere six months ago and pulled up his shirt and pants and told her the eczema was actually completely gone. It was just something that had triggered these batch of spots. Then, Jere had to add on saying, "See Dr, I am healed." Then, the prof said "You're a clever boy." and "Mummy is also doing a good job!"

Ain't prayers amazing???? If you have read what this Prof told me some 4 months ago, you can definitely be sure that the good Lord has gone before us. AMEN! Thank You Lord!

Fill My Cup Lord!

2009-03-02T08:27:00.000-08:00

Like the woman at the well I was seeking
For things that could not satisfy;
And then I heard my Savior speaking:
"Draw from my well that never shall run dry".

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul;
Bread of heaven, Feed me till I want no more--
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

There are millions in this world who are craving
The pleasures earthly things afford;
But none can match the wondrous treasure
That I find in Jesus Christ my Lord.

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul;
Bread of heaven, Feed me till I want no more--
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

So, my brother, if the things this world gave you
Leave hungers that won't pass away,
My blessed Lord will come and save you,
If you kneel to Him and humbly pray:

Fill my cup Lord, I lift it up, Lord!
Come and quench this thirsting of my soul;
Bread of heaven, Feed me till I want no more--
Fill my cup, fill it up and make me whole!

I am running so so dry...
Fill my Cup, Lord. Fill it up and make me whole!

What song is Jere singing now?

2009-02-19T06:10:00.000-08:00

No other name but the name of Jesus
No other name but the name of the Lord;
No other name but the name of Jesus
Is worthy of glory, and worthy of honour,
and worthy of power and all praise.

yes! thanks be to God He sent a wonderful helper, Gina who helps me with the house and the children and teaches Jere all these wonderful praise and worship :)

BLADDER WASHOUT

2009-02-19T02:39:00.000-08:00

AGAIN!
The staff nurse just called to say jere needed another bladder washout coz his wbc was 30 and only then would they arrange his ultrasound and MCU

Does a wbc of 30 really warrant a bladder washout?????

I don't know why... but I just said NO.

Somehow, something in me questions... bladder washout no pressure? with the syringe pumping in the saline and drawing out the saline.

Somehow, I am a little sceptical about the whole management when I hear of this bladder washout thing.

The last I blogged about bladder washouts was some October. Last December, Jere came down with infection again. Jere went into hospital for a routine check which ended up with his urine having a high wbc again. That was a Thursday when we did a urine test. Then we were instructed to go to the hospital on Friday for a bladder washout and stay 3 hours and do another urine test. I felt that it was a little questionable as after a washout, i am sure the urine would be clear. NO? The attending dr insisted. I hung out in the hospital then returned to the children surgery centre again 3 hours later to catheter some urine for a retest. I asked the nurse as she was drawing out the urine whether would it be accurate, she then assured me yes. I then thought alright, maybe the medical professionals know their stuff. Jere had his urine drawn out and we went home. That very afternoon, they called us and said urine test cleared. We were so happy. Then the weekend passed. Monday, the hospital called and said "We sent the Thursday urine for culture and indeed there is an infection so please come and get the necessary medication and do some more bladder washouts. I thought it was so so strange. If they had wanted to treat Jere based on Thursday's urine, why should they bother to make us do another retest on Friday? Money is secondary, it was both stressful for Jere to stay so long in the hospital and also it was really draining for me too. What exactly were they thinking? Do they thiink through the process or they just give whatever orders that spins off their head? When I asked the nurse why had they make Jere do another urine test on Friday if they had wanted to base the treatment on Thursday urine test. The nurse kept quiet.

I really really can't understand the management of this whole thing at all.

Lord, make me a channel of your peace.
I'm tired. Lord, take over.

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love,
Where there is injury, Your pardon Lord,
And where there's doubt, true faith in You

Oh Master, grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood, as to understand,
To be loved, as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness, let me bring light,
And where there's sadness, bring Your joy

Oh Master, grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood, as to understand,
To be loved, as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness, let me bring Your light,
And where there's sadness, bring Your joy

Oh Master, grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood, as to understand,
To be loved, as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of your peace,
For when we give, we will ourselves receive
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
And in dying that we gain eternal life
And in dying that we gain eternal life

The Clean Intermittent Catheterisation (CIC) Training II

2009-02-18T04:41:00.001-08:00

Today is Wednesday 18th February.

I thought long and hard.

Jere had physical program at Clouds of Praise today.

Should I go to the hospital for the CIC training?

I was really quite at a loss. To go or not to go?

Me to the helper: (sigh) Gina dear, should we go?

Gina: I don't know m'am, it's up to you.

Me: ok let's just get ready and see how.

We got ourselves ready and got out of the house.

At the train station, I was still quite reluctant to go.
Me: How? Gina, How?

I think only God has the answer for me. Yes, I know that and I haven't been reading His word enough that's why I am so lost.

Jeremiah, on the other hand was very very focused. Along the way, as we passed neighbours, not one but two, he had the same answer to the question. Everytime a neighbour asked, "Where are you going?",
he would very consistently reply," 我要常在基" ( I want to always remain in the Lord)which is his way of calling the Clouds of Praise coz the first thing he learnt there was "我要常在基督内喜乐因这喜乐是我的力量" (I want to always remain in the joy of the Lord for the joy of the Lord is my strength)

However, Jeremiah was a really good boy. When I asked him, can we go to the hospital first to take out your ssh sshh (urine)?
Jere replied, " Yes, coz i am a good boy. Not naughty boy."

We reached the hospital, this time, another staff nurse assisted us. She then asked Gina to try her hand at it. Gina seemed a little nervous but tried to do it. Jere was very cooperative. Gina washed her hands, prepared the cotton swaps with chlorehexidine (sp?) then our dear nurse said she wanted to send the urine for test. I found it rather strange that if she had wanted the urine for test, shouldn't the professional do the job in case we may not do it right and cause any contamination or do anything wrong? The staff nurse said never mind and my helper, Gina could do it and the urine collected can be sent for test. Gina carefully inserted the catheter. There was very little urine collected. Probably just a teaspoon. Then, when we thought it was done, and the catheter should be removed from the penis, the staff nurse suddenly took out her pen and wrote on the paper towel that Jere was lying on, telling us that if we started the CIC, we had to keep a chart and she started drawing a chart on the paper towel with me trying to keep Jere's hands off the catheter as he was trying to pull off the thing stuck in his penis. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, I told the staff nurse,
"Can we not remove the catheter first before you start explaining whatever chart we have to keep and draw it on proper paper so we can keep and have a better understanding?"
Then it suddenly dawned upon the nurse that the catheter was still in the penis. *sigh* Did she not realise that there is something stuck to someone's private? I wonder.

Then, we were told to go to the counter to pay.The cost was $19.50. I enquired why so and the staff nurse then said $12.50 for the CIC and $7 for the urine test. I was a little baffled as I thought I was told that when we did it we won't be charged. I had to ask them to clarify and the staff nurse said,

"You used our facilities and supplies."

I really wasn't warned how much it was all gonna cost us when they were advising us to do the daily CIC thing. It's not so much of the cost of $12.50 but I really think that maybe I would feel more at peace not doing this catheter thing and giving the money as offering. Really, we should have been advised what were the costs involved especially so when I had said I liked the professionals i.e. the nurses to do the demo for 1 week and I would do it for another week before I start to do it myself at home. While we can still afford, that's fine but they said they will hold our hand till we are confident enough. Seriously, that did not sound like there was any costs involved or maybe I'm just too naive. Maybe they should have re phrase it to "We will hold your hand till you are confident enough but we will also charge accordingly." The dr even asked what was holding us back and if we needed a social worker to see us at a point when we were refusing to do the daily CIC.

Maybe a CIC support group should be formed and some nurse volunteer would help to do demo for free was my idea of holding hand. Instructing and advising the parents or caregivers along the way in terms of buying whatever supplies and as for facilities, how much of the water are we using to wash our hands? or how much more lights are we using or bed? This is what I call holding hands. This is a government hospital. A public hospital so to speak.

These people are not in the situation. They have healthy children. Do they really care about how much we are paying in our whole management of our special little one? Do they care about the costs that we incur all the time? Come on, where is the compassion here? I am sure with each CIC demo done by the nurses would not mean commission to the nurse and it does not mean that the bed or lights are not gonna be there if we were not there. Really, I just can't understand this whole thing. What's more we have been and still are a patient there and this is a public hospital. What send social worker to speak to us? You need not give us money by the hundreds or thousands but just a simple act of compassion, is it that difficult? Must everything be so bureaucratic?

Pray our good Lord leads and guides Jere's attending drs and nurses. Pray that our Lord lead me to make the right decisions for Jere. AMEN!

Healed!

2009-02-16T23:44:00.000-08:00

Jeremiah's healed of his eczema! PRAISE GOD! THANK YOU LORD!

I will try to get the pics up of 6 months ago and now.

Lotsa people who've seen his skin at its worst was pleasantly surprised to see his skin nice and normal.

A friend even said "He does not look like he's got eczema!"

and Jere's eczema was not just serious, it was chronic back then.

JEREMIAH IS HEALED OF HIS ECZEMA! PRAISE GOD!感谢祖!

I am gonna give testimony this Saturday at Church of St Michael's healing mass. Got all the pictures ready to pass around, those of 6 months ago and all can see how his skin is healed and restored! AMEN! THANK YOU LORD! and guess what? it's the hubby that said... "YOU SHOULD GIVE TESTIMONY ABOUT THIS!" Jere's skin 6 months ago looks like it's been burnt. No kidding! Come right down to the healing mass and see and hear for yourself!

Thank You Lord
I come before you today
And there's just one thing that I want to say
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
For all you've given to me
For all the blessings that I cannot see
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

**With a grateful heart
With a song of praise
With an outstretch arm
I will bless your name
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord

For all you've done in my life
You took my darkness and gave me your light
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
You took my sin and my shame
You took my sickness and healed all my pain
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

Yes, Jere sings this song out loud with his hands outstretched and his eyes closed!

The Clean Intermittent Catheterisation Training

2009-02-16T23:16:00.000-08:00

After much pressure from the doctors for some 2 and half years since Jeremiah's birth, I finally succumbed. I agreed to go for the training for this catheter thing.

However, I told the doctor that I will like to take it slow and at my pace. Dr and nurses all said no problem, anything for me. Yes, those were their exact words.
"No Problem Mummy. Anything for you mummy."
In fact they even said, "This is the best Chinese New Year gift for us!"
I was kinda miffed at what's the connection.
Nevertheless, I told them that I would like the nurses to do it once a day for one week and I like to see with the professionals doing it, were there any implications. Then I would do it the following week if I was comfortable with it. Then, if I was all ready to take it on my own then I would start it at home. The professionals agreed with the "No Problem Mummy. Anything for you mummy." one echoing another.

We set the date for the 10th of February, right after Chinese New Year as promised. I went to the hospital with Jeremiah and my helper, Gina who was all ready to see and learn. The staff nurse did the thing and asked us to return tomorrow. We were charged $12.50 for the thing. 11th February, we returned, the staff nurse said we should do it hands on. Then, I asked would I be charged $12.50 everyday like that, she then said if the nurses did it, we had to be charged. Okie. I wasn't told that. So it would be a good sixty over dollars if I had the nurses do it for one week. So I was ask to DIY. I was made to do it. Jeremiah's penis looked red and raw. I sounded my concern and the nurse said if it was a concern, the dr would prescribe some steroidal antibiotics cream to get the redness away. *sigh* We were told to return tomorrow and this time for the helper to try. I went home telling the hubby I was not comfortable about Jere's penis turning red and raw and Tim said something to the effect of not doing it if I was not at peace.

Somehow, the next day and after we did not return to the hospital. Was it the right thing or not? I don't know.

Yesterday, Monday, start of a new week, the nurse called again to ask why we did not return. On Thursday we did not return frankly was because Jere had a fall and was not in the best of moods. Friday, I just did not feel I was up to it.

Today, Tuesday, I asked Jere should we return, he said no. I asked the hubby should we return, he said let's pray about it and let the Holy Spirit guide us.

Please pray for our course of action.

Lord be my guide.

Confessions of the busy mama

2009-02-16T10:57:00.000-08:00

I was knocked out of my sleep at 2.30am with the heat and just could not get back to sleep and was led here to blog my so long overdue post.

Pardon me if I do sound incoherent as it is now like 3am in the morning.

Frankly, I was drained. Overwhelmed. Caught up in my own world. So absorbed in my own challenges and trials that I forgot how much the good Lord has already done in our lives.

Guilt has also a part of knocking me out of sweet slumber as I know I had to do this.

I am feeling so guilty that I was knocked out of my sleep as I kept thinking how I had started this blog wanting to share my faith in Christ after the birth of Jeremiah and what we had and still going through with him but yet many a times I was almost unforgiving about how the drs had dealt with us till it came to a point that I stopped blogging. It's been like months since I did a proper post.

I forgot my first call to evangelize. I ignored the continuous nudges, the continuous prompting of the Holy Spirit. Really! There's so much noise in this world that God's soft prompting is sometimes so easily ignored.

Of course, God worked in His most amazing and wondrous ways. He called again, again and again. Finally, all I can say is "Here I am Lord. Send Me!"

The last nudge that hit me is from the earth angel Eunice and thank you Lord for sending her :)

Last week, after the Chinese New Year was over, I decided to take up the challenge of the 3-4 hourly catheter thing for Jeremiah. Frankly, I was still in much chaos in my heart about the decision. I went to the hospital and waited outside the treatment room at the Children's Surgery Centre waiting to be trained in the thing that I had dreaded so much. Maybe the people in the medical field would think cathetering a spina bifida kid every 3 to 4 hourly would have been the best option taken but to a normal mother like me, it pains me. Yes, it does. Imagine putting a catheter into the penis of a 2 and half year old every 3 to 4 hourly. In case, some of you still do not know what is a catheter, it's a fine tube being inserted through the penis, through the urethra into the urinary bladder to drain the urine. Why is it needed? According to the doctors professional point of view, this catheterization is useful when one is unable to fully empty the urinary bladder and Jeremiah is thought of this way by the doctors that he is unable to do so due to a supposed neurogenic bladder from his open neural tube defect. As I stood outside the room waiting, the mobile rang. It was from the social worker, Eunice of Club Rainbow. We had a short chat and she kinda lightened the mood before we entered the room. Eunice had wanted to meet up with us to give us some milk and diapers but I declined as Jere was allergic to cow's milk and as for his diapers, the little one had expensive bum since birth as we tried cheaper diaper alternatives from the pampers active and the little one had so bad diaper rash till his bum was raw. Then I passed the mobile to the little one to chat and thank Eunice for her kind thoughts.
Eunice: Jere, what do you like to drink?
Jere: (cheekily with a grin on his face) Milo and Coffee.
I was like what??? Jere, you don't drink coffee. Ok, the little one was trying to be a little cheeky. Jere laughed.
We hung up soon as we were next into the room but the coffee line certainly got us all laughing. After we were done that day and went to the pharmacy to get Jere's supply of antibiotics, Eunice called again to check where were we and guess what? The angel appeared with 2 big packs of diapers, a big tin of Milo, a book for Jeremiah and a catholic digest for me. I thought her thoughts and actions were the biggest! It was so sweet and it touched me so, telling me God is so with us on this journey. I was so not looking forward to this catheter training but the phone call itself so reminded me of God's presence and Eunice coming down with all the gifts was almost like an angel sent by Him to tell us He is with us throught it all. Especially with the digest. The digest was called "the WORD among us" has helped to wake me from my self absorption and shallowness. I had started this blog to proclaim His word, to glorify His name since Jere's birth but somehow at the end of last year, along the way I got absorbed into the noise of the world, I conveniently forgot to give glory to Him who has already done so much for us. I know there are many people we see everyday that need to hear us witness to our faith. I told myself then that i gonna revive my somehow dead blog with my very own experiences of the Lord and His working in my heart and mind. Indeed He works in His mysterious ways. How great is our God! When I shared this with Eunice, she told me that when she called me, she was actually prompted by a line she came across in Joyce Rupp's book which she was reading. She had cited Jeremiah 29:11. Praise God! He works in wondrous ways! and yes I always proclaim the promise that our good Lord has plans for us especially Jeremiah. Plans to prosper not to destroy. AMEN!

In the last few months of last year, I was caught up in bouts of infection of Jeremiah and all the procedures that followed till daddy Tim got a little tired over the whole thing of medical, medical and medical that he packed us all up in his biz trip to Macau. I was reluctant to spend the money, all around us rallied for the trip telling us it was time we take a good break and off we went. Thank you Lord for that good break as we ferried over to Hong Kong and the kids had a great time in Disneyland including me :P Yeah! more than 30 yrs on earth and it was my first to Disney :) and there is so much more to give thanks! I'll do this in another post.

Thank You Lord for bringing me back!

Blessed New Year

2008-12-31T08:36:00.000-08:00

To all of u reading!
I was lying in bed and thinking I should blog something to wrap up the year
I prayed for the Lord's guidance and here it is...
Somehow this song jus ringing in me as I think of myself, Jere, the people at Clouds of Praise......
so i thought i might as well put it down to share it.
for those who play the guitar, here's the chords as well

As Bread That Is Broken
A F#m
Many hearts are hungry tonight
Bm A
Many trapped in darkness
D E
Yearn for the light
F#m Bm
So many who are far from home
D
And many who are lost
A D
O Lord Your wounded children need
Bm E
The power of Your cross

Chrous:
A
As bread that is broken
D Bm
Use our lives
E
As wine that is poured out
D A
A willing sacrifice

Empower us Father
D Bm
To share the love of Christ
A D
As bread that is broken Lord
F#m E A
Use our lives

Help us to begin where we are
Help us love the people
Near to our hearts
Then give our faith a mission field
Wherever You may call
Lord love Your world
Through each of us
Until we've touched them all

( Repeat Chorus Twice )

As wine that is poured out
As bread that is broken Lord
Use our lives

I think this song is just so beautiful! so meaningful! and yes, Lord, Use our lives!

Praise the Lord!

2008-11-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

Gone is the fever! Gone is the infection! Jere did a repeat urine test on Thursday 6th November and the nurse called back saying "Jeremiah mummy, the results is out, no more infection."

My reply "PRAISE THE LORD!"

ALL GLORY AND HONOUR TO OUR LORD GOD FOREVER!!!!! AMEN!!!!

Fever

2008-10-30T08:32:00.000-07:00

It was 6am in the morning and I felt Jere a little feverish... Took his temperature and indeed it was 38 deg. Quickly, I called Tim to get some paracet to administer and put a wet towel on his forehead.

I really pray it's the runny nose that has led to the fever and not the bacteria in the urine.

Lord, I lift Jeremiah up to You and ask that You would put a hedge of protection around him. Protect his spirit, body, mind and emotions from any kind of evil or ham. I specifically pray for protection from fever and infection. I pray that he will make his refuge in the shadow of Your wings until these calamities have passed by. Hide him Lord from any kind of evil that would come agains him. Keep him safe from and hidden dangers and let no weapon formed against him be able to prosper. Thank You Lord for Your many promises of protection. Keep him safe wherever he goes. In Jesus name, I pray AMEN!

The Results

2008-10-28T18:00:00.000-07:00

Sunday and Monday passed. The nurses said they don't open on Sunday and Monday is a public holiday so I could only get the results on Tues and they would call then. Came Tuesday morning, first thing I called KKH. Nisha first spoke to me. Passed me to Shikin and said that there is bacteria growth in the urine culture and it's an urgent and serious case. Note the words URGENT AND SERIOUS they used. Then she continued to ask when will you be free to come down? I replied if it was urgent and serious, why do you ask me when will you be free to come down? Shouldn't I be attended to immediately?

Shikin: Oh, then you can come down immediately if you can but you won't be attended by Dr Y ( the dr that Jere had been seeing all along) You will be attended to by the attending dr. Dr Y has instructed a bladder wash out, an indwelling catheter for 5-7 days and a change of antibiotics.

Me: What? What's a bladder washout ?(quite intimidated by the term)

Shikin: It's nothing really. It's just putting the catheter in, putting saline in and flushing out the bladder.

Me: What's the in dwelling catheter about?

Shikin: Dr Y said gotta put the catheter in and leave it there for at least 5 days.

Me: When can I see Dr Y so that I can hear from her what is going on?

Shikin: Thursday is the earliest.

Me: so if it's that serious and urgent, can we wait till thurs?

Shikin: If you can come down now then no need wait till Thurs. if Not, we wait till thurs. it depends on you mummy.

Me: what do you mean depends on me if it is urgent and serious? can it depend on me?

Shikin: Thurs is only 2 days.

Me: I really don't quite understand this. One hand you tell me urgent and serious. then you tell me depend on me and wait.

Shikin: hold on...

I heard a different voice saying hello.

Me: Hello hello, who is this?

Nisha: this is Nisha.

Me: What's going on? you guys juz pass me here and there.... Ok, Can you fax me the results and let me see?

Nisha: Results are private and confidential.

Me: What do you mean private and confidential? I'm the mother and I am requesting for it.

Nisha: You can come down personally to get it.

Me: ok I will do that

I hung up. Fear has certainly gotten a part of me with the words URGENT AND SERIOUS. I called Tim immediately and asked him how? what's the next course of action? I sms my prayer loop straightaway with the update.I told Tim I was not quite comfortable to go to KKH straightaway as an in dwelling catheter (IDC) means to be warded and how can a baby deal with an IDC? I said I like to go and retrieve the results and go seek a second opinion with the paedaetrician. Tim agreed.I hung up with Tim and still not quite satisfied, I called KKH again. This time, I asked to speak to Staff Zhang and asked what exactly is going on. Staff Zhang was more informative. She told me what was the name of the bacteria growth - enterococcus faecalis and what it was responsive to - amoxy and augmentin so that's why the call to change of antibiotics and she also explained that neurogenic bladder kids would usually do the bladder washout and not normal kids. Then I told her I was not comfortable with the IDC and won't do that. She said ok, she will inform Dr Y and asked me first to go down and do the wash out and get the antibiotics.

Now, I was confused. Should I go down and do the washout? Or should I wait till Dr Y explain to me? I called Tim again. Tim said to go to Mt A to seek our paed opinion and treatment of antibiotics. Tim said if we were to go to KKH now, we may well be warded immediately.

KKH or MT A?

Bernard from Clouds of Praise returned the sms saying he like to visit Jere. I told him I was heading to hospital and he said he will be arriving soon so I waited.

Bernard arrived soon and prayed over Jere and asked me what's my course of action. I told him I was thinking of a second opinion and he said LET'S GO and he would fetch me there.

Quickly I changed and rushed down to Mt A to see Dr Simon.

Dr Simon heard the whole story and ordered another urine test to see if the wbc was on a downward trend. He then said the good thing is Jere is looking well and happy. Then this time I called KKH again to ask if they could fax me the results and God bless, they did. Dr Simon then prescribed the Augmentin for me and Tim said to stay with Dr Simon's treatment till we see Dr Y on Thurs.

So Jere's now on Augmentin.

Will update again.

Thank you Lord for leading us to Mt A. I know you sent your angel to lead us there.

Meantime, please pray for Jere's protection and that we take the right course of action. Also that the doctors and nurses be blessed and guided when we see them again especially the doctors and nurses at KKH children surgery centre. AMEN.

Saturday.... Results????

2008-10-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

I tried to call all morning but no one answered the phone.

Lord, I come to you in Jesus' name and submit Jeremiah to You. Jeremiah's our beautiful gift from You, Father. Thank you Lord for this precious gift of this child. Lord, I know that You have given Jeremiah to me to care for and raise. Help me then Lord to do that. Show me places where I continue to hang on for him and enable me to release him into your care and protection. Help me Lord not to live in fear of possible dangers, but in the joy and peace of knowing that You are in control and this day I release my child, Jeremiah into Your hands and trust my child to You. I know that You are in control Lord. You alone know what is best for him. You alone know what he needs. I commit myself to pray for everything concerning him that I can think of or that You put upon my heart. Teach me then Lord how to pray and guide me in what to pray about. Help me not to impose my own will but Yours be done in his life when I'm praying for Jeremiah.
I thank You Father that I don't have to rely on the world's unreliable and ever-changing methods for child rearing but that I can have clear directions from Your Word and wisdom as I pray to You for answers.
Thank You Lord. Praise you Lord! AMEN!

Somehow, I feel a kinda peace. I think this peace would not have descended upon me if I had not released it to God and ask Him to be in charge. I thank you all you prayer partners that have been with me.

You shall go out with joy and be led forth with peace
the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you
there'll be shouts of joy
and all the trees of the fields
will clap will clap their hands ...

and all the trees of the fields will clap their hands
the trees of the fields will clap their hands (2X)
will clap will clap their hands ...

Yes. God will make a way.

This just released me to see to the rest of the things I so needed to do. Today's Korkor Nat's graduation! Gotta run to Nat's Graduation!
Yes! God is in control.

He can turn the tides and calm the angry seas.

Yes. He can be everywhere, know everything. and He will take care of Jere. Thank You Lord. Jere will be well! AMEN!

Friday.... Results?

2008-10-24T20:42:00.000-07:00

No one called all day. It was 4 plus in the evening and I figured I had better call or they would call it a day at 5pm.

I called and got through to Staff Zhang. I hung on the line as she traced the records.

Staff Zhang: The culture is still not out. The second test showed even higher count of white blood cells.

Me: what is the number?

Staff Zhang: The first was 500 plus and the second is 2000 plus. The culture test is still not out.

Me: ok thanks.

no... that's certainly not what I like to hear.
Quickly, I smsed all my dear brothers in sisters in Christ to storm heaven for protection upon this precious child, Jeremiah.

Lord, I lift Jeremiah up to You and ask that You would put a hedge of protection around him. Protect his spirit, body, mind and emotions from any kind of evil or harm. I pray specifically for protection from accidents, disease, injury, or any other physical, mental, or emotional abuse. I pray that he will make his refuge in the shadow of your wings untill those calamities have passed by (Psalm 57:1). Hide him from any kind of evil influences that would come against him. Keep him safe from any hidden dangers and let no weapon form against him be able to prosper.
Thank You Lord for Your many promises of protection. Help Jere to walk in Your ways and in obedience to Your will so that he never comes out from under the umbrella of protection. Keep Jere safe in all he does and wherever he goes. In Jesus' name I pray.
AMEN!

ON EAGLE'S WINGS

You who dwell in the shelter of the Lord,
who abide in His shadow for life,
say to the Lord: "My refuge, my rock in whom I trust!"

Refrain: And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.

The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
and famine will bring you no fear:
under His wings your refuge, His faithfulness your shield.

Refrain: And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.

You need not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day;
though thousands fall about you, near you it shall not come.

Refrain: And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand.

For to His angels He's given a command
to guard you in all of your ways;
upon their hands they will bear you up,
lest you dash your foot against a stone.

Refrain: And He will raise you up on eagles’ wings,
bear you on the breath of dawn,
make you to shine like the sun,
and hold you in the palm of His hand

Our Urologist Appointment

2008-10-23T19:02:00.000-07:00

Thursday came and I headed to KKH with Jere, calling the dear husband before I left the house to meet me there as the last appointment, this doctor had threatened to have me up for neglect and abuse. Not that I am guilty as charged, but I don't quite enjoy being abused by her especially in Jere's presence as Jere is such a sensitive child that he knows when I am hurt.

I reached the hospital about 1215pm but Tim was still not there. I prayed that Tim would reach in time and the doctor would be kind. I sat down with Jere and fed him some cereal at the same time saying my rosary, as frankly, I know I can't get thru the doctor's office without God's protection.

After about half an hour, Jeremiah's name was called. I was a little apprehensive about going in there alone as Tim had not reach. Nevertheless, I went in.

Small talk
Me: (upon entering the dr's office) Hello dr. Jere, say hello Dr.
Dr Y: Hello Jeremy, How are you?
Me: (prompting Jere) Jere, HOW A....R....E YOU?
Jere tends to get confused between How are you questions and How old are you? :P
Jere: Good. Fine thank you.
Dr Y: How old are you now?
Me: Jere, HOW O...L.....D are you? (emphasising the OLD)
Jere: TWO.... YEARS OLD
Dr Y: No, la...You're more than that right? (flipping her case notes to check Jere's exact age.) So how mummy? Are you ready to CIC (Clean Intermittent Catheterisation)?
Jere looked a little confused. Come on Doc, give the child a break....Surely you don't expect the 2 yr old to tell you 2 yr 3 months right?
Dr Y: (at her nurse manager)Can you measure his head circumference? (looking at his head with disapproval as if it was really big)

Yeah... it was strange that a nurse manager was in the office. probably because of the drama the dr created last time threatening to have me up for neglect and abuse and i broke down so bad till Tim marched into the dr's office demanding to know what exactly she had done.)

Me: Dr, Dr Janice Wong, the neurologist is monitoring his head circumference and it's fine.

Dr Y: How long ago is that?

Me: It's really recent. Maybe just some weeks ago.

Dr Y: ( still quite unbelievingly flipping her case notes, looking at the june date) no... that's months ago...

Me: No Dr, I am sure it's quite recent. Please look properly. ( almost wanting to turn the page for her)

Dr Y: (turned the page) oh yes, just in September. 52.5cm. (looking at her nurse manager)

Nurse Manager G: Yes, 52.5cm.

Speaking Blessings
Dr Y: ok, can you put him on the bed for me to check?
Me: Sure. Jere, can mummy put you on the bed for dr to check?
Jere nodded.
I put Jere on the bed, took out his diapers and then waited for the dr to come over.
Then Dr Y walked over, looked at Jere.
Dr Y: Come! Let me see how bad you have become (almost immediately catching herself) I mean let me see how good you are.
Usually whenever our dear dr spoke a curse, I would correct her curse into a blessing. This time, the Lord went before me and blessed our dear doctor and reminded her to speak a blessing :)

Daddy arrives!
Just then, a knock was heard on the door and my dear husband Tim entered. THANK YOU LORD!
Dr Y: Hello Daddy! so how? Are you ready to do the CIC?
Tim: No Dr. but if we are ready when would it be?
Dr Y: (grabbing the opportunity immediately) OH DADDY! IT'S WONDERFUL YOU AGREED.
Tim: No! NO! DR, I HAVEN'T AGREED. I am just asking IF.
Dr Y: (looking at her nurse) DADDY HAS AGREED! (starts writing on her case notes Daddy agrees to CIC)
Dr Y probably never would have thought I would have remembered what went on in that room and document every part of it.
Dr Y: SO when you wanna start? now?
Tim: No, Dr. I am not ready. I will pray about it and when I have peace , I will let you know when the holy spirit prompts me.
Dr Y: No Daddy, you agreed. You just come in and we will train you. We will hold your hand till you are confident. what about next tues?
I glared at Tim.
Tim: No Dr. I am not ready.
Me: Well, Dr, I have seen how this CIC is being done. Maybe, we can arrange for daddy to see how it's done and we'll see?
Dr Y: Great! So when should we do it? Next tues? ok. I put you on next tues? Has Jere had any infections so far? Have you been giving him his antibiotics?
Me: No. no infections. Praise God!
Dr Y: (looking at her case notes) it's been a long time since you did a urine test. Shall we order for one now? How? You wanna do it now? or you wanna go home and catch it?
Usually last time, I would catch it at home and bring it straight to the hospital.
Me: Dr, since you wanna show daddy how to do the catheter, why don't you CIC out a sample for your test?
Dr Y: Great! That's a good idea. He has not had any infections right? You been giving him his antibiotics right?
Me: No. No infections.
Dr Y: When we start the CIC, you must give him the antibiotics properly coz higher chance of infection.
Me: (looking at Tim) means we gotta start giving him the antibiotics again? I have actually weaned Jere off his antibiotics for a good 3 months.

I did not like the idea of Jere being on daily antibiotics so I slowly weaned him off and just prayed for protection everyday. Yeah. Some of you probably think I am such a fool. But really, in the Lord I trust. If you asked me to take risks such as investing in stocks and shares, my risk appetite is not that great for that :P

Dr Y stared at me, quite shocked that I took such a risk.
Dr Y: then today we cant do the catheter since you did not give him any antibiotics.we'll just catch a mid stream and you come back later we will show daddy how to CIC.
Me: what do you mean? If you gonna show daddy later how to do the catheter thing, you might as well CIC the sample now to send for test and we need not come back later.

Just how do they work, I couldn't quite comprehend.

Dr Y: No no... come! (looking at her nurse) attach a urine bag for him to collect the urine sample. (looking at Tim and me) you guys go for your lunch coz the urine test will take about an hour. then you come back after your lunch and we do the catheter.

Me: (still not quite understanding) WHY? WHY CANT YOU CATHETER NOW THE URINE SAMPLE? DADDY IS HERE AND HE CAN SEE YOU GUYS DO IT AND YOU GUYS GET A CLEANER SAMPLE.

DR Y and the nurses: NO NO.... almost echoing each other.

They sent us to the treatment room and there they started to attach the urine bag and told us to either wait there for Jere to pee or go take a walk till he pees. I then asked them again why can't they catheter straight and they just refused me. I surrendered. I went to get Jere water to drink to fill his bladder so that he would pee quickly for them as i was almost starving as It was already almost 2pm. The nurses walked out of the room. Jere then tore out the urine bag and peed out of the urine bag. Oops! I shouted for the nurse and the nurse came back to re attach the bag. It wasn't long before Jere peed. Then we left for our lunch.

I told Tim let's get out of here for lunch so we headed to Novena Square. Just as we were in the middle of our lunch, my mobile rang. It was about 3.30pm.

Nurse: Mummy, Jeremiah's urine test is not so good. You guys must come back for us to catheter another sample.

Me: huh? what do you mean? how come just now ask you all to catheter, you all don't want and now ask me to come back to catheter?

Nurse: errr... mummy, you just come back for us to catheter, the dr will explain to you. ok. just come back as soon as you can.

the line went dead.

I looked at tim.
Me: Did you hear that? the urine test is no good and they are asking us to go back to catheter a sample now. I just don't understand why they just wont catheter in the first place just now.

Tim gave a resigned shrug.

I quickly finished feeding Jere and we headed back to the hospital. We headed straight to the nurses' office.
When I saw the nurse manager, I asked her why didn't they do it earlier as I requested and she looked at the wall, looked at the floor, looked at the ceiling but just refused to looked at me, giving me a sheepish answer of.... "yes yes... wait wait we will do it."
I was a little miffed and asked again " I AM ASKING WHY YOU GUYS WON'T DO IT JUST NOW AND NOW YOU WANNA DO IT? WHAT'S THE REASON MAY I ASK?"
The dear nurse manager walked off, saying, "We'll call you when we are ready to do for you."
I was left stranded there carrying Jere.
Finally after a good 20 minutes or so, one of the nurses came out of the room and said, "ok we'll catheter him now"
I carried Jere in and continued to ask the nurses. There was was one senior staff nurse, one nurse and one manager and all of them just simply ignored my question.
Finally, I gave up and said, "I wanna see the Dr. I wanna know WHY JUST NOW I ASKED YOU GUYS TO CATHETER YOU REFUSED AND NOW YOU ASKED ME BACK TO CATHETER. IS THERE ANY SPECIFIC REASON."
The senior staff nurse then said, "Ok, we will get the dr to speak to you"
We finished the catheter session and waiting another good 20 minutes or so, we were back into Dr Y's office.

Me: Dr, WHY JUST NOW I ASKED YOU GUYS TO CATHETER YOU REFUSED AND NOW YOU ASKED ME BACK TO CATHETER. IS THERE ANY SPECIFIC REASON?

Dr Y: Oh... we were afraid to scare you off then you would not return for us to teach you to catheter....

Me: No, Dr. I asked you several times to straight away catheter so that we need not return.

Dr Y: I know you are very scared of the catheter so I don't want to scare you off.

Me: What are you talking Dr? (getting a little exasperated) I gave permission just now to catheter. Why didn't you all do it straight? Instead you wanted to use the urine bag and asked us back to catheter?

Dr Y: (flipping her case notes) The last times when we did the urine test, you did not do catheter and the tests were fine so there's no necessity to do a catheter.

Me: (getting a little confused) then why do you ask me to catheter every 4 hourly?

Dr Y: I asked you to catheter to drain the bladder.... not to get a urine sample.

Me: but since you wanna catheter, why can't you catheter to get the sample?

Dr Y: oh ok. if that's what you want next time, we will catheter ok?

Me: Dr, that's not what I am asking for. I am asking why? the reason WHY JUST NOW I ASKED YOU GUYS TO CATHETER YOU REFUSED AND NOW YOU ASKED ME BACK TO CATHETER. IS THERE ANY SPECIFIC REASON?

Dr Y: The last times when we did the urine test, you did not do catheter and the tests were fine so there's no necessity to do a catheter

Me: No Dr. THat's not what I am asking about.....

Dr Y: okok i put a note here... next time we want a urine sample, we catheter....

Me: That's not what I am asking about.... I am asking why? the reason WHY JUST NOW I ASKED YOU GUYS TO CATHETER YOU REFUSED AND NOW YOU ASKED ME BACK TO CATHETER. IS THERE ANY SPECIFIC REASON?

Dr Y: The last times when we did the urine test, you did not do catheter and the tests were fine so there's no necessity to do a catheter.

Me: (giving up) Arrrrrgghhhhh.... forget it! That's a lame and definitely not a reason. You are not answering to my question.

Dr Y: ok mummy. I gotta double you dosage of the antibiotic now. if there is any fever, please come in straight to the A & E. we will then put in an in dwelling catheter and.....

Tim: (cutting the dr short) IT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

Dr Y: ok, please go and ask the pharmacist to calculate for you how much of the antibiotics you must take now. We will trace the next urine test. This urine test shows a high white blood cell count of 500 plus when usual level should be 0-10. We will call you tomorrow or sat. If it's good, results should be out tomorrow. if not good, maybe sat or next tues. we don't work on sunday and monday. if any case just come in straight to A & E. hopefully the antibiotics would help.

Me: Please call us no matter what is the results.

The nurses agreed.

Not quite convinced, I got their number.

We left the room and headed to pharmacy.

Please pray for Jere's white blood cell count to return to normal.

I want to say something....

2008-10-22T18:30:00.001-07:00

Jere said the above as we were praying the closing prayer after our therapy program.

Every Wednesday, I take Jere to Clouds of Praise to have some exercise, in other words, therapy. We usually start and end the session with a prayer and a song of praise.

This time, after the session when we were saying the closing prayer and everyone said their bit, Jere went....

"I WANNA SAY SOMETHING...."

Marcus korkor who was beside him heard him and said it out so his mum Cassey went, "Yes, Jere you wanna say something?"

Jere nodded and went, "JESUS, HELP ME TO STAND. HELP ME TO WALK. BLESS THE CHILDREN HERE AND MUMMY. AMEN"

My eyes welled up and rolled down uncontrollably. I always get emotional when Jere speaks like that.

Lord, you hear the cry of the child Lord. Jere has asked, Lord. Let Jere receive, Lord. RESTORE JERE LORD. HEAR THE MOTHER'S CRY NOW LORD. Thank you Lord. AMEN!

Urologist appontment

2008-10-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

23rd Oct 930 am we will be scheduled to see the urologist. Pray for us people that
the Lord will bless Dr Y and let her speak blessings. AMEN.
I have asked Tim to take leave to go with me as frankly, talking about abuse, I think she does that to me no end just for the fact that I refuse to catheter Jere. It's strange how there are signs in KKH saying not to abuse their staff, why is there no signs to say not to abuse the patients? :P
Being an educated mum, I get scolded no end when I enter the doctor's office. What about those helpless and uneducated mums? I wonder.

Our 3rd visit(review) to NSC

2008-10-21T16:35:00.001-07:00

Before I start, praise the Lord and thank you Lord He went before us.

It was the 21st Oct, time for our review at the National Skin Centre (NSC). As I approached the place, I was a little apprehensive. I said a prayer not under my breath but almost aloud as I entered the entrance of the place..... LORD, LET EVERY WORD THAT COMES FROM THE DOCTORS BE A BLESSING NOT A CURSE. LORD, BLESS THE DOCTORS IN THE ASSESMENT REVIEW TODAY. GUIDE THEIR HEADS, HANDS, MINDS, EVERYTHING LORD. LORD, I KNOW YOU ARE IN CONTROL. THANK YOU LORD. LORD, JUST LET THEM SPEAK BLESSINGS. AMEN!
looking at Jere as I pushed him in his stroller, I said "Amen Jere?" Jere answered, "AMEN!"
We went past the entrance, past the recept and to the lift to the second floor to the paeds clinic.
There seemed to be not much people that afternoon. We registered and I couldn't help asking.... which doctor is it and heaved a huge sigh of relief when it wasnt the same dr as the last. We sitted ourselves right outside of room 6 and I read the name of the dr. okie. we seemed quite safe today. It's an Assoc Consultant Dr Tan Kian Teo, whatever it is, thank you Lord. Within 5 minutes, we were called. I was shocked at being so fast as the last time i spent the whole afternoon from 1 to almost 5 at the NSC. I knocked the door and tried to go in the room with my big diaper bag, trying to hold the door open and trying to push the stroller in. Almost immediately, the doctors came to the door and tried to help me including the one sitting behind the computer which is usually the main consulting doctor. Dr Tan introduced himself and the other two doctors as we entered the room and I carried Jere out of the stroller.
Then Dr Tan started off asking, "How is Jeremy today?"
I stuttered as I answered "still quite bad." not sure how's these drs gonna be this time. I got quite a phobia from the last visit, really. The first visit when we saw the emeritus, it was good though the meds did not quite work but sometimes such stuff can't be helped and I can understand that. The second visit, the dr did not quite believe or even listened to the feedback of how jere reacted to the meds and she did not even assessed Jere. She did not even come near Jere as if eczema was some contagious disease. This time, I was quite prepared whatever was gonna happen but God sure came before me and blessed the doctors. They spoke very gently and kindly and Dr Tan asked me to put Jere on the bed and they all came forward to see Jere's condition. I took out Jere's pants to show how bad the skin on his legs was, showed them the tummy, the hands and the neck. Then Dr Tan even asked me to turn Jere around to see his back. Now, to me a layman, that's what I call a doctor. That's what I feel is assessment and then treatment. Then I told the doctors of what meds Jere was given previously and how he had reacted. Dr Tan then asked if it is affecting Jere's sleep. Gosh, if I haven't told some of you, Jere's itch is so bad at night that there was this one night at 3am, I found him without his pants and diapers. From then on, i always wore button down romper over his pj pants and diapers. He must have itched so bad that he just tore off everything and flung it off as we found his pants and diapers at the other end of the room. Dr Tan then explained that he will prescribe a little stronger medicine for the flare and some antibiotics for the broken skin and some antihistamine when jere cannot sleep at night this time alongside with some moisturiser. Dr Tan even went to the extent of asking what moisturisers have I tried. After everything, the doctors kindly saw me out, helping me with the door. The whole experience was completely different from the last I had. Thank You Lord.

As I stepped out and sat waiting for my turn to pay, I saw just next to the doctors room was the medical social worker room and the name read Joanne Tan. It seemed some few days ago, some MSW of that name called to ask if I would like to joins the Atopic Dermatitis support group. I then asked the staff if I could just meet with the MSW so as to put a face to the name. I met Joanne and she was one kind young lady. Jere seemed to like her too as she played and chatted with him. We left the clinic with an appointment in 3 weeks time and headed to the pharmacy to get our meds.

Praise God and thank you Lord for going before us and guiding the drs. Lord, I know jere is in your hands and the ultimate healer is you God and you will heal Jere. Thank you Lord. AMEN!

Nice and quiet....

2008-10-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

I was putting Jere to nap in the afternoon in the bedroom when he said... NICE AND QUIET....
I was like what jere? what did you say?
He smiled and said... nice and quiet.
Hee... coming from a 2 yr 3 month, I think that is quite amazing ;)
He's certainly my language genius!

Our appointment with the National Skin Centre

2008-10-20T03:01:00.000-07:00

if u have been asking where have we been,
nowhere actually....
but mummy me, finally got off work and is busier than ever before!

okie update on my little angel.

We went back for a review at the national skin centre on the 27th August, 2008, this time at the paeds clinic. When we went into the room, there was a young dr, I presume is the houseman, and a associate prof i think by the surname G. Assoc. Prof G was at her computer while the young lady dr looked at Jere.
Then, the Assoc. Prof G asked, "Is his eczema extensive?"
Me: (pulling up Jere's pants and socks, trying to show how bad it is) it is quite bad, you see Dr....
Assoc. Prof G: I am asking you is it extensive? Just answer me yes or no. (not even looking at Jere)
I was like.... errrr...
Well, shouldn't the dr try to see and assess it? She did not even look our way.
Me: Dr, the last time we came, he was prescribed some aqueaous cream and it seemed to make his skin flare so i stopped it and now i am using some organic eczema oil and it's gotten better. That time it flared so bad that he looked like he was burnt.
Assoc Prof G: It's not the aqueaous cream. It's probably something else you used. You have to listen to us and use what we prescribe you if you wanna come here. Do you suspect any allergy?
Me: yes. cow's milk.
Jere saw some pooh beah mega blocks and started to ask for it but i had to kinda answer the dr's questions that i brushed him aside till jere got irritated and i think the tone of the dr kinda got on him too. It's strange how children sense the vibes about them. Jere is usually very friendly and amicable but once he sense the wrong signals.... that's it... he usually wanna get out of the room asap.
Assoc Prof G: Is he always so irritable?
Me: No Dr. He just wants the mega blocks.
Assoc Prof G: Then give it to him. he seems so irritable.
Well, you guys who have met Jere would know what kind of temperament jere has. he's hardly ever irritable. In fact he's so friendly that almost everyone loves him.
Assoc Prof G: okie i will send you for a prick test, a saliva test and photo session. You can go now.
I was like huh? you haven't even assessed the child. Is this how it should go?
I was escorted out of the room by the young dr and there i was seated outside a nurses' room waiting for Jere to be pricked.
Jere was pricked and tested for 11 elements, namely the negative and positive control, soy, cow milk, egg white, egg yolk, wheat, peanut, derP, derF and Blom T, the last 3 being some kinda dust mites. Then we were sent to another Assoc prof room for the analysis of the prick test. Assoc prof G came into the room through the connecting door of the consultation room, kinda talking to herself, definitely not talking to me... well maybe talking to the houseman or the other prof, i don't know but i heard her saying something like she's gonna prescribe this med, that med and that med and all the walls are covered already and she left the room. After she left, the other prof H said okie what med is this? how come it doesn't show in the system? and what's this? and what's that, mumbling to himself and sent me along....
we were then sent to a room to do what saliva test... i was then told this is a voluntary thing for them to experiment. I was then asked to make Jere spit a whole little tea cup of saliva... these guys gotta be kidding.. that prof g must have thought we were a good mother and child to be bullied coz she definitely did not tell me this was a voluntary test and had nothing to do with the treatment process... I then told the ladies in the room that it is almost impossible to ask my 2yr old to spit so much saliva. We can sit there till the cows come home, I don't think I can achieve that with my little one. They kindly sent me along and said no prob at all. At least they had the decency to explain to me. Then I was sent to this room to take what photograph... i was asked to strip Jere to the diapers and let the photographer take all the pictures he liked only again to find out that the photos are taken for the centre to make whatever publication....gosh!
Then in the end when i went down to the pharmacy to get my meds, it was only ONE PHYSIOGEL! wow! all walls covered indeed.

I really felt that we were more used than treated... wonder what that assoc prof G is thinking!

Really.... shouldn't drs be more compassionate? Shouldn't treatment of patients be more hollistic?

Tomorrow, 21st Oct, 2008 we have a review appointment at NSC again and I'll definitely get shot again, coz the physiogel did not do no good. Jere's skin still look as bad....

We use the natural eczema oil blend to control but once we stop, it will flare and the what physiogel is sure not helping at all.

Will update again!

Blessed Wednesday

2008-08-20T20:26:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how where we always go, we feel His presence so strongly.

This is the second Wednesday where we spend our afternoon up on the third floor of a shophouse in HongKong Street to do our physical program with Jere. I remember the first time when we stepped out of there, my dear husband said, it felt like the apostles worshipping up at the attic. Somehow, we were led here to spend our afternoon every Wednesday. The place is run by a church ministry. All very kind people doing it out of love. The children and parents we have met there are really amazing. They also got a really beautiful name called CLOUDS OF PRAISE. They start and end each session with a prayer and a song of praise in chinese and the cutest thing is Jere sings with them. Jere will go 赞美主(Praise the Lord!) Alleluia! and 因主爱我! (because He loves me!)

After the session, I went one street down and bought the boys a plate of hor fun and fed them their dinner. After feeding them, I took a walk with them to Peninsula Plaza to buy the organic eczema oil for Jere. It seemed to be the only oil right now that is working for him. Jere's eczema flared up so so bad after I used the aqueous cream prescribed by the drs. Usually I would have tested whatever I was using on a small segment but when I applied that cream on Jere, somehow, I don't know why, I just heeded the advise from the dr and pharmacist of applying it liberally all over and the next thing I know, Jere's skin flared so bad that he looked like he was burnt from head to toe. If his urologist had seen him, she would have immediately got me locked up and not just accuse me of neglect and abuse. We prayed and prayed about it. We were so worried but yet we did not dare to make any appointment with any dr to review it as we were afraid they were just gonna give more steroids and things that would do Jere harm. Then last Tuesday, someone told me to go to peninsula to look for a timer that I needed for Jere's program activities and somehow instead of finding the timer, I ended up at this organic shop called Eden and got my hands on the eczema oil that did wonders for Jere. It was the only oil that Jere would allow us to apply on his face to clear the eczema. Thank God for that! Yesterday when we were at the Eden organic shop to buy the eczema oil again, the boss and his wife so very kindly suggested praying for Jere. Frankie the boss started the prayer saying, "Lord, it's by no coincidence that this mummy here brought in her son to get something for her son's eczema..... " then they laid hands and prayed over Jere. Tears welled in my eyes as they prayed. It just made me feel that every step we were taking, God is with us. People always asked me, "What do you mean you don't have peace to do it?" It's this. God's peace just transcends when He's with you.

After that, Tim came to fetch us and the kids all fell asleep in the car after a tiring day. I rushed to the supermarket once I settled the kids at home and when I entered the supermarket, yes our local supermarket, the Fairprice, there was this song playing so so quietly in the background that it melted all my anxiety, my fatigue.... It was a song that we sang at praise and worship at healing mass last Saturday at St Michael's.

"You Raise Me Up"

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up... To more than I can be.

You raise me up... To more than I can be.

I knew then he was right there beside me.....
Thank You Lord!

How July flew us by....

2008-08-15T03:21:00.000-07:00

It's a Thursday night, almost approaching Friday, exactly mid August, 2008. I was nursing Jere to sleep and I was thinking so much..... How I wish everything that went through my mind would just be penned down here.

It had been a hectic month of July!
Initially I had thought to write the whole of July straight but after I started writing, I decided to break them up coz the whole post is just too long....

so here goes....

Jeremiah turns 2! Praise the Lord!
July 5th, we celebrated Jere's 2nd birthday with our family and a couple of baby friends of Jere. We had a great time, Jere was blessed with lotsa love, prayers and gifts. Thank You everyone. I promise to upload the pictures soon.

The follow-up urologist visit
July 10th, I went to the hospital as promised 2 weeks after the last to meet with another parent and hopefully to have made a decision for Jere regarding his medical situation. I was a little apprehensive when I headed for the hospital as Tim could not take leave and I haven't finished the book of Jeremiah and thus don't have an answer to the solution. I prayed as I went. God went before me. The other parent could not make it and the dr told her nurse to tell me to come back on July 31st when the other patient had an appointment. Thank God. Praise the Lord!

Our visit to National Skin Centre
July 18th, we were referred to the National Skin Centre for Jere's eczema problem. The people at registration were really nice. There was hardly any wait. We saw the medical officer almost immediately and she called the consultant in to see Jere also which we found out later was the emeritus consultant. Jere was prescribed some steroidal creams and aquaes cream for his skin. Next appointment 27th August 2008.

KorKor Nat school registration
July 17th & 18th, I was monitoring the vacancies of Primary school more eagerly than that of stocks :P It was time to register Nat in Primary One. We wanted a mission school, a good school and a school that is convenient for us. There were clearly 2 choices. Catholic High School which was within 2km of where we stayed and we had a direct bus right in front of our block to the school in 10 min. St Joseph Institution Junior (SJI Jr) which was walking distance of Novena MRT and Novena MRT is just 4 stations from Ang Mo Kio MRT which is 5 min walk from our place.
We hoped Nat would get into Cat High coz his God brother Owen was in there and it would be good for Godma and me :) but by the end of Day 1 of registration, we were told out of 1km need not apply as within 1km was already balloting. So we headed down to SJI. As it neared the closing time, there was still chance for balloting for those out of 2km so I decided if God left the door open, no matter how small, I would just try. So we applied and waited for balloting day on the 23rd July.

July 23rd, Tim and I took leave to witness the balloting. We were one of the 40 people vying for 10 places in the school. The last number was called. It was 221 and unfortunately we were 223! Sigh! I never thought not being able to get your son into your choice school could be so disappointing, so upsetting , so... undescribable.

I had wanted Nat to get into that school coz I liked their school Motto very much... which calls upon Josephians to be in communion with, and to be guided by God through prayer; and to always work conscientiously in learning and growth, and in service to God, especially in uplifting the last and the least amongst us. Also, I wanted Nat to get in as It would be easier for me as Jere still visits KKH pretty often and it would be most convenient for me to fetch and send the boys as usually I catch the shuttle service to KKH from Novena MRT station too.

My so desolated look was caught by the darn chinese evening tabloid and that night, I got infamous among the ah soh and ah pek at the void deck of our block. Nah.... just kidding, thank goodness, the aunties and ah peks never read paper that day :P but nevertheless, our dear neighbour Shirley and family caught it and told me. She even gave me a copy of the papers for keepsake. Gosh! I really looked sad in the papers :P We had to try applying again in Phase 2c next week.

July 29th 30th, 31st, I was monitoring again. Cat High and SJI Jr had no chance at all. The doors were closed. SHUT! TIGHT! At 2 plus, there were still over 10 places in Maris Stella. We thought we were headed there. Came 3 plus no more vacancies for out of 2km. We then headed to St Gabriel's at Lor Chuan. We were the last registrant there and we secured a place. Thank God! coz the last thing we would want is not getting our child into a mission school as we thought faith formation in a child is really important.

The meeting with the other parent
July 31st, I headed down to KKH myself with Jere. I was kinda afraid coz Tim had used up lotsa leave for Nat's registration so I was left to face it alone. I prayed that God would go with me and before me. I reached the hospital and at registration the urologist dr came by.
Dr: Hello Mummy! I'm glad you came. How? Have you come to a decision?

Me: No Dr.

Dr: OH....The fact that you came is already very good. Meet up with Ivan's parents later then you see me ok.

Me: Ok Dr.

Soon, I was led into a room with Jere, given chairs to sit and a Filipino lady in her early 40s and a Chinese man in his 40s also came into the room with a 5 yr old walking awkwardly behind them. The lady seemed a little defensive initially until I showed her Jere's operation scar and Jere's feet.

We had a chat and found out Ivan was one of their twin sons. The other son was perfectly ok. Ivan also had Spina Bifida Meningocele. He was born in Philippines and was only operated at 5 weeks. The parents then brought the child to Singapore and Ivan was then operated again at 5 or 6 months. They cannot remember for sure. The dr then had given them an option of operating lower down and having his lower half affected or operating higher and then having a possibility of having a shunt operation later in the head. They decided the former. They then took out Ivan's shoes and socks and showed me that Ivan also had his feet operated. They shared with me that after the op on the spine, the feet seemed to turn inwards. Thus, as advised by the doctors, they had his feet operated. So now, the feet turned out instead of inwards. They then told me that their son started to walk after the operation. The urologist dr then came in and added in... "yeah... the operation is so easy!" The dr then cut us short and the family went with her. Somehow, I don't know why, I kinda followed the family when they went into the treatment room. I saw how Ivan sustained a pee and how the mother catheterised Ivan after and he did not seem to mind at all.

After the meeting, I just felt so inspired, so motivated and so convinced that my child would walk and his pee can be normal. AMEN! It would not be like what the drs said... catheter all life, wheelchair bound... walk with walking aids.. NEVER!

That kinda wrapped up our month of July.

Quit?

2008-08-14T12:36:00.000-07:00

Nat: Mummy, can you not quit?

Me: What quit?

Nat: Quit.

Me: (getting a little irritated) What quit? (not knowing that Nat had been overhearing the conversations that I had with the dear husband about quitting my job and going intensive with Jeremiah's programs)

Nat: Quit. Can you not quit?

Me: What quit Nat?

Nat: Quit your job.

Me: Why Nat?

Nat: Coz a real warrior never quits.

Me: (quite taken a back that this should have come from my not even 6 yr old) Oh Nat.

There was a moment of silence.

It's funny how our decision to quit my job can affect the kid. Maybe he thought that he would never be able to go to mummy's fun office again if mummy quits the job. Nat enjoys going into my office. He loves going to the breakout area to play fusball and pressing a cup of iced milo from the vending machine and chatting with all the friendly uncles and aunties around and best of all get all the toys and premiums from mummy's office. Even Jere at 2 years old can say "I want to go mummy's office!" No kidding!

Me: (breaking the silence)Daddy's decided the warrior should stay home and take care of the home nation coz we gonna build the home nation and make it real strong! As long as the home nation is strong, all else is unshakeable. By the way Nat, where did you learn "A real warrior never quits" ?

Nat: (smiling) KUNGFU PANDA!

I tendered my resignation on May 16, 2008. Actually, I had wanted to quit and work with Jere since the Glenn Doman's "What to do with your brain injured child" course but I lacked the courage and the peace to do it. Yes I was worried financially with all the medical expenses and what nots... After 1 year of praying, the Lord finally gave me the courage and peace to do it. Well, it took me a good whole year to finally take the leap of faith that our God provides and quit the job and answer to my calling... motherhood. I know if I don't quit now and help Jere stand and walk, I will regret for the rest of my life.

Lord, thank you for giving me the courage to do this and helping me to discern. Lord grant me the wisdom to do what's right for the children and bless me in all that I do. AMEN!

Who's the boss?

2008-08-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

The boys were having lunch together....

As usual, Nat was fiddling with his food and not that keen in whatever he was eating.

Then suddenly our dear Jere went "KORKOR! EAT PROPERLY!"
No, I'm not kidding.... Jere said that and the helper was also shocked. She was trying to control her laughter and when she saw me burst out laughing, she said, " I thought that should be the other way round...."

Now, who's the older one? :P

Two more days

2008-07-03T00:36:00.000-07:00

and Jere turns 2! Praise the Lord!

This is a picture taken last year when we celebrated Jere's first birthday with our family and friends with a simple home cooked food and a symbolic figure 1 cake :)

This year, what's in store for Jere?

Mummy's planning a little party with the family and a few baby friends, following the rule that she read on a magazine of the number of guests should be the age of the child plus 2 so Jere can have 4 guests and that's it :) Let's see if mummy can keep to it :) Mummy always get a little carried away when it comes to parties :)

4 guests? Who shall we have? Babies of the same year?
Godsis megan? Jeremy? Riley? Cadence? Lecea? Oops! looks like we gonna exceed the number! :P

Thank you Lord for your wonderful blessings upon Jeremiah!

We continue to ask of your prayers for Jeremiah to knock upon God's door to heal Jeremiah completely. That Jeremiah will be able to stand and walk and his neurogenic bladder will be healed and all other forms of complications from the spina bifida be healed. May Jere be restored to perfect health in the mighty name of Jesus. AMEN!

I thank my God
I thank my God each time I think of You!
And when I pray for you, I pray with joy.

1. Now there is one thing I am sure of,
He who began His work in you.
Will see that it is truly finished,
When the day of Jesus comes

2. That I should feel like this towards you
Seems only natural to me.
For you have shared with me my labours!
The Gospel privilege with me!

3.Since you have borne with me my burdens,
I now bear you within my heart!
And God alone knows how I miss you!
I love you just as Christ loves me!

4. I pray your knowledge will be deepened!
Your love be mutual and strong!
Then you will reach the perfect goodness!
Then to the Lord you will belong!

The night after the urologist follow-up

2008-07-02T10:01:00.000-07:00

That night, Tim and I went down for a walk to 7-Eleven on the pretext of buying bread so we could have a good chat. He seemed heavy. I know it bothered him.

Tim: Is there something you are trying to prove?

Me: No. What do you mean?

Tim: Are you trying to prove something on Jeremiah's expense?

Me: No. I know God has plans for Jeremiah. Plans to prosper. Not to destroy. He will be exalted of the Lord.

Tim: I'm just afraid. If making the decision is for myself, I won't be so afraid.

Me: What are you afraid of? Jeremiah blaming us like the doctor said?

Tim: Yes.

Me: I believe, Jere would not blame us for anything if we bring him up to believe what is right and what is wrong. If he chooses to blame us for anything, then we must have failed as parents and definitely deserve whatever blame there is. I believe that God will heal him.

Tim: So you are trying to prove something?

Me: No. I just feel that God has His purpose in making Jeremiah so and making us journey this life with Jeremiah. Jeremiah was made so that God's works can be seen in him. We will definitely meet with persecutions. Jesus, himself also met with lots of persecutions. No? Did He give up? No. Mother Mary saw her son suffered, but still she had absolute faith in God, our father. Mother Mary surrendered everything to our Lord. I just feel that we should just pray and have faith and surrender ourselves to Him too. Be not afraid. God goes before us always. I know there is nothing beyond our God. He is a faithful God and we just gotta stay faithful to Him.

Tim was really silent for a long while.

Me: Are you ok? So are you still worried? Disturbed?

Tim: No. I am at peace now after hearing what you said.

Me: You know what? The doctor gave us 2 weeks! Two weeks from the 26th June..... 10th July.The doctor told us to go read up on neurogenic bladder and come to a decision of a vesicostomy or do the 3 hourly Clean Intermittent Catheterisation (CIC)
When I left the clinic that day, I've already had this in mind. Read up on neurogenic bladder? No! That's not where I gonna find my answer. I had this prompting to read the book of Jeremiah and that's where I gonna find my answer. Shall we read it together and discuss about it? We should find our answer in God's word.

Tim: Ok! Let's do it!

I know this may sound almost insane, crazy, ridiculous, absurd to many of you... How could we find the answer in the bible you may say. But this is what we've decided to do so if any of you wanna join us on this journey, pick up your bible and read the whole book of Jeremiah and we can all share our thoughts about it.

Lord, help us to find the answer in your word.

Open my eyes that I may see
Glimpses of truth Thou hast for me;
Place in my hands the wonderful key
That shall unclasp and set me free.

Silently now I wait for Thee,
Ready, my God, Thy will to see;
Open my eyes, illumine me,
Spirit Divine!

Open my ears that I may hear
Voices of truth Thou sendest clear;
And while the wave notes fall on my ear,
Everything false will disappear.

Open my mouth and let me bear
Tidings of mercy everywhere;
open my heart and let me prepare
Love with Thy children thus to share.

Open my mind that I may read
More of Thy love in word and deed;
What shall I fear while yet Thou dost lead?
Only for light from Thee I plead.

Times my husband stood up for me.....

2008-07-02T09:15:00.000-07:00

At that moment of time when I walked out of the clinic after being accused of neglect and abuse of my child, not one, not two but I really can't recall how many times the dr threw the accusation at my face. I asked myself was it a mistake that I told my dear hubby, Tim to concentrate on his work and telling him I could manage the hospital visit all on my own when he had offered to go with us the night before.

I felt so lousy that on the impulse, I took out my mobile and dialled his number as I walked out of the clinic. Sobbing into the phone and almost crying my whole heart out, I must have frightened Tim. I related what had happened in the doctor's room with almost all the emotions I had, I think. Almost like an abused puppy that was rendered really helpless, I hung on to the phone as I walked my way up from the basement which was almost like hell on earth at that very moment. I walked to Macdonalds to get my little one a happy meal for his lunch as I was in no condition to try to get a hot bowl of noodles and feed him that. I hung up the phone when I reached Macdonalds and ordered the happy meal for Jeremiah in between my sobs. The staff very kindly told me to take a seat and served it to us in no time. I sat down with Jeremiah and looked at him. I cut up the nuggets for Jere and he started to eat while I was so affected that I did not feel hungry at all though it was way past lunch time.

Before I had realised, twenty minutes had passed and Tim called me back asking where was I and I said I was still in Macdonald's feeding Jere. Before I hung up the mobile, I saw him approaching us.

Tim: Come! I go and speak to the doctor!
Me: For what? They have given us an appointment to see her in 2 weeks.
Tim: No! I want to know what really happened.
Tim then walked towards the clinic, not realising that the clinic had moved to the basement. I then highlighted to him that the clinic was not where he thought and pointed him the right direction. Not really keen to go back there, I said I'll go to the pharmacy to collect Jeremiah's medicine.

We both then went different directions. I went to the pharmacy to drop off the prescription while Tim headed to the Children's surgery centre at the basement. After dropping the prescription, something in me just told me I should head to the basement, knowing how rash my husband can get and angry when his wife is being seen as bullied. When I reached the basement, Tim said the doctor was still there and they would squeeze him in to speak to the doctor. The staff nurse and the senior staff nurse then saw me and asked how come I was back. I explained that my husband wanted to see the Dr. Then they told me the doctor did not mean what she said and surely I understand that. They then brought me into one of their rooms and told me the dr was a good doctor and she was genuinely concerned and had not meant to hurt me at all and hope I would understand that. I then told them that if an educated person like me was intimidated by them, what more would the uneducated feel? Then I told them not to worry and I don't blame the dr but I really just did not appreciate the accusations at all. Then we went out of the room.

It wasn't too long before we were called into the room of the Dr.

Tim: Dr, what is this? what is this that I hear you don't want to see us anymore.... what is this about a court order? What is this about my wife being charged for neglect and abuse?

Tim almost sounded a little rude I felt in questioning the doctor on what is this.... what is this... what is this....

Dr: No Daddy... you guys gotta make a decision. I really don't know how else I could make your wife come to a decision short of threatening her. I feel I have really failed in what I am doing after 2 years you guys still not decided to do the catheterisation.

I was kinda shocked that the doctor admitted to threatening me.

Tim: No Dr, You definitely did not fail. Everytime I walk out of your clinic, I am very affected and would think of your proposal at least for the next few days.

Dr: Then what is holding you back daddy?

Tim: We are not at peace with it.

Dr: What is holding you back? Shall I arrange for you guys to meet other parents who has done it?

Tim: I must tell you first. We may come back with the same decision. NO CIC. NO VASECOSTOMY.

The doctor seemed kinder or rather a little more cordial and polite to Tim. Why? I don't exactly know the reason but maybe Tim was sounding angry and a little forceful.

It was the same conclusion anyhow to return in 2 weeks with the decision we should have come upon and meet with a parent of similar case of child.

We left the clinic and Tim rushed back to office to continue his important conference that he had left abruptly to stand up for his wife.

Thank You Lord for a husband who loves me so dearly
Lord grant Tim the graciousness, the humility and a forgiving spirit when faced with persecution, trials and tribulations. AMEN!

The Urologist Follow-up

2008-06-27T16:28:00.001-07:00

Blogging about the post still disturbs me and hoping that after having done so would help me to let it go.

26th June, Thursday - Jere woke up as usual, I fed him his breakfast, bathed him and changed him. He was really thrilled that he was going to go out. I took him on the train to Novena and then switched to the shuttle bus. We reached the hospital at 1130am in time for our appointment. I knew it was gonna be a long wait and I had bought some nuggets and soya bean for Jere. We then chatted with an enrolled nurse who was doing some administrative work on her computer in an open room. We were in there till about 1pm when finally the nurse stood up and said she will check on when is it gonna be my turn. However, Jere was kept really happy in there chatting with the nurse, given stickers, papers and pens to doodle with the I did not even realise one and half hour had passed. The nurse then came back telling me we would be the next in line so we went outside the room that we were supposed to go to and sat right there. Another 10 min passed and then we were called.

Inside the room of the urologist...

Me: Hello Dr

Dr: Mummy.... You have to make the decision today! 2 options 1. CIC (Clean Intermittent Catheterisation) 2. Vesicostomy (whatever that is!)If you still choose to do neither. You don't need to see me anymore!

I was quite taken aback coz she did not even return my greeting and straightaway told me about how I had to make a decision there and then.

Dr (looking at how shocked I was, carried on): Yes! You gotta make a decision now. Now and NOW! If you still don't want to do anything, I don't want to see you any more!

I was like.... but Dr......

Dr: No! You must make a decision today and we will do it NOW!

Was it that life- threatening???? This really scared me for awhile

Me: No, Dr. I can't make the decision now.

Dr: You have to!

Me: But Dr....

Dr: No! You have to make your decision NOW! CIC or Vesicostomy!My staff nurses has told you how Jeremiah pee right????

Me: No.... Your staff told me that you will speak to me about it.

Dr: Ok the thing here is your son pees only under pressure. He does not sustain a pee properly. He only dribbles. You told us he can pee so we did the 3 hourly observation but you see ( turning to her case notes as if I understood the graphs and numerical values) he can't.

Me: (peering over the case notes, trying to make some sense out of it) what do you mean he can't? so what's the outcome of the observation?

Dr: He cannot pee... mummy.... you gotta start your cic or do the vesicostomy. You gotta make your decision now. Otherwise you don't need to come back. I don't want to see you anymore.

Me: But Dr... I gotta discuss this with my husband. My husband is not here with me today and what do you mean if I don't make my decision now, you don't want to see me anymore?

Dr: I've never managed a case like this where my patient refuse my way of management and if this is so, I don't want to see you anymore

Me: Isn't this a state hospital? A public hospital? If you don't see me, where do I go? Don't a patient have the right to choose their own course of action?

Dr: You know mummy.... you don't want your son to have renal failure and he won't be eligible for a transplant. (sounding a little exasperated)Well, if you don't do the CIC or the vesicostomy, he will. You must know what are the consequences of a neurogenic bladder.

Me: No! He's not gonna have renal failure.

Dr: You don't want him to turn around one day and hate you and blame you for what has happened to him. Really... you have to make your decision today otherwise you don't need to make any more appointment to see me.

Me: What do you mean by that Dr? I can't make a decision today.

Dr: I've given you 2 years!

Me: Yes Dr, but I just don't have the peace about it. Look... just look at our last Urodynamic studies....if you a professional, a consultant, a paediatric specialist, a urologist and your 2 staff nurses and me, a mother.... that makes the four of us, all specialist in our own ways, the way the catheter was being handled then traumatised Jeremiah so much, how do you expect me alone at home to do this? even with the help of a helper, I can't figure how much better can I get.

Dr: Yes. That is because you should have started when he was a baby and accepted the catheterisation as a way of life. Then he wouldn't put up such a struggle. You should have started then mummy. Don't worry. You will manage. We will train you to manage.

I was not convinced at all.

Dr: You know mummy, we can have a court order and in cases like this the parents can be over-ruled. This is neglect and abuse.

Me: No. Dr. I definitely did not neglect or abuse my son.

Dr: Yes. This is neglect and abuse! Taking care of your child does not just mean giving him food to eat and keeping him clean. This is neglect and abuse.

I was trying to keep my calm and looked at Jeremiah as he was getting a little disturbed by the whole atmosphere. Not that I was guilty of the accusation but I definitely did not neglect and abuse my child. If I were to be accused of neglect and abuse, I think I have to be accused of neglect and abuse of myself. All those close to me would definitely agree with me. I have given all I could to my dear son, Jeremiah. I never wanted him to be born this way. But, God definitely has plans for him. Jeremiah is to be exalted of the Lord.

Noticing that this is getting at me as I was keeping quiet this time,the dr continued: Look at his skin! This is neglect and abuse! Why are you not doing anything about the skin??? This is neglect and abuse!

Amidst all this, Jeremiah has sensed the hostility of the situation and started to say, " Out mummy out! I wanna go home!"

Me: No Dr. I have done something. This is not neglect and abuse. I have never neglected or abused my son. NEVER! (tears were welling up in my eyes)

Dr: Look at the skin! It's worst than the last time I saw it! This means he has got no feelings and the abrasion on the floor has caused his skin to peel like that!

Me: No Dr. This is eczema. Jere's got a serious case of eczema and this is already getting better. Last time it was weepy. At least this time it is dry. and yes I am doing something about it.

Dr: NO! LOOK AT THIS!!! ( pointing at the skin and drawing her nurses' attention) You know you can be sued for neglect and abuse?

Me: (my lips already trembling and tears rolling down) Dr, on one hand, I appreciate your professional advice, on the other, I certainly don't appreciate this harshness at all.

Jeremiah was looking at me now and he said: Mummy cry! Mummy cry! Outside! Outside! I wanna go outside! I wanna go home!

Dr: You gotta make a decision today! Either the CIC or the vesicostomy

Me: No Dr, You know I can't. I am not at peace with the CIC and I can't do the vesicostomy. It's irreversible.

Dr: No, it's not irreversible.

Me: Then what's that about?

Dr: It's punching a hole in the bladder and the urine will just flow out into the diaper. He's on diaper anyway so it's very easy management

Me: but the child will be weaned off the diaper one day.

Dr: Not the neurogenic bladder. You gotta decide. You have to do something or this is neglect and abuse.

Me: No Dr. I can't make the decision today. My husband is not here.

Dr: Ok I give you 2 weeks. 2 weeks time, your husband come with you and you make a decision by then. Otherwise I don't want to see you anymore.

Me: But Dr, can we decide on not doing any of these things and just keep monitoring?

Dr: No! Coz that means I have failed in my duty.

Me: No Dr, you have done your part in giving us the options. It's just us that do not want to take up the options and don't patients have the right to decide for themselves?

Dr: Yes. Patients have the right to decide for themselves but you don't want Jeremiah to hate you for making this decision for him right? He's not going to be eligible for a transplant. This is neglect and abuse. We can sue you for this.

I was having quite enough of the same point being repeated to me... what about being sued... neglect and abuse, not eligible for transplant.... renal failure....

Me: Ok Dr. 2 weeks we will come back. Now, can I go if there is nothing else? It's 2pm and my little one is hungry. He has not taken his lunch.

Dr: Ok. 2 weeks time I see you and your husband. Mummy you gotta make a decision. What's the problem here? You need to see the MSW ( Medical Social Worker)? What do you need? We will give you all the support. You must do something! You must do the CIC. Go and read up this 2 weeks about what's the consequences of a neurogenic bladder. Go read up about the vesicostomy and decide.

Me: What if I still decide not to do anything and just monitor? Are you not gonna see us anymore?

Dr: You write here on my case notes that you refuse all options given and sign against it.

Me: (in between sobs) so you will still see us?

Dr: Mummy, you must do the CIC or the vesicostomy. You must do something about his skin. This is neglect and abuse.

Me: Yes I have seen the dermatologist that you referred me to and he's given me nothing but steroids and antihistamines. Dr, I did not neglect or abuse my son.

I was just short of saying... DR STOP ABUSING ME VERBALLY!

I took my bag and decided I needed to go.

Me: Thank you Dr. I think I need to go.

I left the room with the THIS IS NEGLECT AND ABUSE ringing hard in my head.

Still in tears, I made my payment at the counter.

I walked out of the clinic feeling so terrible but reminding myself that I should not hold it to heart and forgive what the doctor had just said to me I told myself if Jesus was persecuted and crucified and still his words while on the cross, he could say, "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." What I just got is nothing compared to what Jesus had suffered. I was certainly upsetted and affected by what the dr said. Angry? No. I know she's just trying to do her job but can these drs realise we mothers hurt the most when something happen to our child?

Father, help me to put this behind me and move on. Bless the doctors that Jeremiah see and let every word that proceeds from their mouth be a blessing not a curse. AMEN!

I Thank you, Lord,
for the trials that come my way.
In that way I can grow each day
as I let you lead,
And thank you, Lord,
for the patience those trials bring.
In that process of growing,
I can learn to care.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
with each trial I feel inside,
that you're there to help,
lead and guide me away from wrong.
'Cause you promised, Lord,
that with every testing,
that your way of escaping is easier to bear.

But it goes against the way
I am to put my human nature down
and let the Spirit take control of all I do.

'Cause when those trials come,
my human nature shouts the thing to do;
and God's soft prompting
can be easily ignored.

I thank you, Lord,
for the victory that growing brings.
In surrender of everything
life is so worth while.
And I thank you, Lord,
that when everything's put in place,
out in front I can see your face,
and it's there you belong.

A call from the staff nurse....

2008-06-21T11:19:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned before, Jere went for a 3 hourly observation test on the 17th June. Today's the 21st, the Saturday that followed, the staff nurse from our public hospital called and told me to go for a followup following Thursday 26th June. I asked the nurse what was it about and was it really urgent. She refused to comment and said the doctor would speak to me about it. I hung up the phone, feeling a little disturbed.

God, please let there be nothing wrong.

KUNGFU PANDA!!!!

2008-06-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

When Jere was placed on the clinic's bed and given a tissue box to distract him in his checkup, Jere went " KUNGFU PANDA!" and we realised there was a sticker right there on the tissue box that was KUNGFU PANDA! the latest craze among the kids now.

We brought Jere to watch the Kungfu Panda one weekend and it was really hilarious as Jere seemed to be watching an interactive movie.

When the Panda flew all over with the ignited fire crackers attached to his chair, Jere went "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..................................." all the way till the panda landed back on the ground.

When the Shifu took the cane, Jere went " Uh oh! CANE! Naughty!"

When the Panda and the animals were eating, Jere went, "Noodle! SOUP!"

After half an hour interacting with the movie, Jere nursed and went to sleep, completing the movie in his dreams :)

Now Jere recognises the panda everytime he sees the posters or the premiums.

How old are you?

2008-06-20T09:50:00.000-07:00

17th June - Jere went for some observation tests at KKH.

One of the nurses asked, "How old are you?"
Jere went "Eighteen months!"
The nurse was so amused and asked if Jere was really 18 months?
I said "oh.. no! I don't exactly know why he said that but he's coming 2 in 2 weeks' time"
The nurse just could not get over it that she went to tell her colleagues. Soon we had like all the clinic's nurses coming to ask, "How old are you?" and Jere never failed them with "EIGHTEEN MONTHS!"

Dernatologist? Skin Specialist?

2008-06-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

23rd May afternoon, some 1 month ago, I brought Jere to his long awaited referral to the skin specialist, the dermatologist. The urologist that sees Jere all the time is so freaked out by Jere's eczema that she did a referral to the skin specialist. It took us 3 months to get this appointment.

I took half day and went home to get Jere to his appointment at 2pm. when I reached home at 1.30pm, the boys were sleeping. I was thinking... should I take Jere or not? The sun was scorching HOT and the baby was sleeping so so soundly. The thought of picking him up and heading to the hospital almost sounded evil to me. Finally I thought I had better go or it would always be at the back of my mind to see a skin specialist, to do a prick test, tada tada tada... the list goes on. I packed Jere into my sarong sling, took the baby bag and the stroller and took a cab down to KKH.

Wow! I never realised that the cab fares had increased so much. Had I not been running late, I doubt the cabs can ever do my business :P From AMK to KKH cost me $9!!!!!! off peak hours!!!! Yes totally insane!!!! I should have just taken the MRT to novena and got the shuttle. It would have cost me less than $2! or I pray that Tim gets a job offer in town or his company gives him a car then I can use our present car with the kids.

It was kinda long wait to consult the skin specialist and when I finally saw him.... I must say I couldn't be more disappointed and irritated.

No, the doctor wasn't rude at all. In fact, he was quite nice but, I just did not like his ideas at all.

First when we went in, one look at Jere,
Dr asked "How long has this been?"
Then he drew a picture of a man on his case notes to document which areas were affected and Jere went "WOW! Dr draw!" haha... I thought that was hilarious!
Then our dear dr started pushing Q* bath oil and Q* samples to me, telling me that's the way to go.
I said, "I've tried all these and it didn't work. Now I am using some MLM product which helped to clear. What you see now Dr was worst before."
Anyhow, I communicated that I also used organic stuff and the doctor then said nothing is really organic these days and not to bother and said stuff like they've seen lotsa such cases and their medication would usually clear it in 3 weeks. Then, when I asked is it steroidal, he said oh yes but very mild. He then prescribed steroidal creams, lotions and antihistamine drowsy ones for nite and non-drowsy ones for day. I was like *eyes almost popping out* when he told me the non drowsy ones were like clarityne.

I left the clinic, paid for my consult, chucked the prescription into my bag and left the hospital. I wasn't too sure at all if I wanna go the steroidal way at all.

Today, almost a month later, Jere's eczema has almost cleared. The weepy patch on his face is gone completely. We are left with the legs only and a little on the hand. Thank You Lord! We've stopped the MLM soap coz no more sponsor :P but God sure knows what we need. He sent another soap and it helped :) Thank You Lord! Our neighbour brought it to us. An old lady and I did not had the heart to turn her down so just took it. Then I decided to try it on the legs first, saw that it was good and slowly worked up the body. Now, I'm even using it on big bro Nat. The soap's name is margo, main ingredient is neem oil and it's found only in Mustafa selling at 90 cents per bar. Yes, I did a research on neem oil on the net before I tried it out. Go read it up and if you got a skin prob, maybe you could try just that.

Maid Solution

2008-05-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

Haha... sounds so like an agency's name.

Much as I hate to talk about it, I thought I should just let everyone know I am OK, still managing the situation and God is with me :)

After the maid was found at the embassy and the police officer went down to take her statement on Tuesday that she was neither abused or mistreated, the police officer called me and told me to settle it with the agent. I called the agent, the agent told me to buy her an air ticket and send her home. I called the embassy, the embassy said the same. I quickly went online that Tuesday, got her an air ticket for Saturday as advised by the embassy, gave the itinerary to the agency so that her work permit would be cancelled and it came to a close. I had to bring her air ticket, her passport and her special pass and of course her remaining salary to the embassy for her. It was a long walk in Nassim Road from Orchard MRT. I passed the Saudi embassy, the Japan embassy and don't know what else before I finally found the Philippines embassy.

These people....super waste my money.... I pay agency fees for a 2 yr contract but I only got 6 months. Waste my time.... Don't want to work, don't even start la... tell me say her hubby never allowed her to come here in Singapore, she came without his approval that's why she gotta go back... and worst of all, waste my emotions :( When I handed everything to the officer at the embassy, I asked if I could speak to her and when I spoke to her, I broke down coz I felt so so betrayed in a sense coz we loved her as a family and she did this to us. I said "Thank you for taking care of my home and my kids for these 6 months but NO THANK YOU for running away." then as I continued, I broke down so I quickly wished her luck and God's blessings and hung up. Felt like such a wimp.

I walked out of the Philippines embassy's office crying. Had to call the hubby to let it all out. Felt so horrid that a person we treated so nice decided to go and just go like that. After, crying it out, I felt much better and went back to work. Well, at least there was a closure.

Anyhow, I sms her God's blessings and told her to make sure she received all that I handed over to the officer.

All the best Mary Jane. God bless.

Then started our new search for a new help.

Maid saga

2008-05-12T10:01:00.000-07:00

What's the relevance of the maid to a mother's journey in faith????

The answer here is the maid is my main source of help to care for the kids while i work... so it is of big relevance.

And so I thought I was all ready to do something for my little angel, Jeremiah.... telling my boss that I like to work a 3 day week and all....
Well, I told my boss and HR that I like to do a 3 day work week so that I could give more time to move towards the wellness of my child. And the target was April to start....

And what happens?
Before I even started my 3 day work week,
Mid March, the dear helper that I had trained for a good whole 4 months and thinking that I could dive into my Glenn Doman program soon since she has kinda stabilised, dropped the bomb on me saying that she like to go home when her medical check up was due saying that her husband is stressing her to go back and she did not want to lose him.

So I informed the agency. The agent told me to probe further to make sure she was really serious about going home.

I probed..... and apparently she still was not very sure. She said her husband asked her to go back but she will try to tahan coz her hubby ask her go back since the time she came coz he never ever agreed her to come Singapore work in the first place.

Then April came, we celebrated her birthday with dinner and a nice birthday cake just like we would have celebrated a family member's birthday and ten days later, she told me again that this time she is very sure she wanna go home. When I probed again, she said not sure again. Then said maybe she wanna try for a caregiver job as it had better pay and prospects. Unlike any other employer, I told her to go find out properly and not at the end of the day realise that there is no real job out there like the aesop's fable dog who looked into the water and saw another dog with another bone, jumped into water and ended up with no bone at all and lost his own bone too.

I called the maid agency again. Agent then said will look through the bio datas and if there was a suitable replacement, they would get back to me.

I was getting worried so I went to another agency and managed to get another maid in on Apr 22. May 5, the old helper's (MJ) loan would have been paid up and she was free to go and if her agency dont find me replacement, I can't possibly just wait on no end.

The new maid came in and was trained by the old help MJ. May 4, new help said she is not suitable for our home and wants to be returned to the agency. That day, May 4, old help MJ went on off. Came back that night, gave me $350 saying her sister lent it to her and asked me to settle whatever she needs to settle with her agency and get her airticket home. I wasn't sure if that was the procedure so I told her to hold on to her money and I would check with her agency the following day.

Mon 5th May, I called agency. agency told me I had to take $375 from MJ ($195 (insurance + documentation) plus her air ticket money. The agency was supposed to give me a free replacement and I think they were charging it on her since she did not finish her contract and just worked six months. That night, I was home late as I was looking at bio datas at other maid agencies. I did not feel quite right with MJ's agent.

Tues, 6 May, I told MJ what her agency had advised me and MJ gave me her $350 plus she had $250 salary with me she said should be able to settle whatever with agency and get her air ticket. I said ok, took the money and planned to look for a day which she could afford her own ticket as requested.

That afternoon, when I returned from lunch in the office, the new maid called me, crying hysterically saying old help MJ was missing with her luggage and all.

I rushed straight home and filed a police report to safeguard myself that afternoon.
Called the agency but the agency said they did not know of the matter and had not seen MJ.

MJ handphone was still on. I called but she wouldn't pick up then I sms her, telling her to come back and close the case of missing person and I would then send her back but she did not reply me.

Wed, she sms me telling me to leave her air ticket with her agency.
However, things were not as simple as it seemed then coz MJ had been filed as missing person and i can't help her out of the country till she close the case police said.

Thurs 11 plus in the morning, agency called and said MJ is at their residence. I immediately called the police to ask what's the next course of action. they said to bring the gal to police station to close the case. I told that to agency but agency said "no such thing. we had missing maids before. we just need to call the police and said we found her." apparently they don't seem to believe I had made a police report. they then said you can ask the police to come our office and get her.
so i told that to the police. However, when the police got to the agency office, the agency said the gal has ran to the embassy!

Fri, noon, I called the embassy, they said they had no one of that name there. Then I called the police, the police said she was there. After I hung up with the investigating officer, I called the embassy a second time, this time, the embassy said yes she was there. What A RELIER! THANK YOU LORD!

Anyhow, police said fri and sat, the embassy was closed. Monday, he got other cases pending so only tues he will go to the embassy to get a statement from MJ that she is not abused and just plainly wanna go home. Then they will hand over the case to the agency and told me to deal with the embassy and agent then.

Boy! I was so stressed till she ended up in the embassy! I could not sleep and I was throwing out almost anything I ate. I was so worried that she would do anything silly.

So all you people out there... thank the Lord if you are able to stay home and take care of your own kids and thank the Lord if you've got good helpers. Seriously, these days, I really don't know what these helpers want out of us.

I just pray that when the police interrogate her, she wont spout nonsense about me and my family so we all can send her home!

WBG stuff

2008-04-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

Jere was started on a special bath of 金银花 with filtered water (water filter kindly sponsored by a friend) and a special MIOR soap, also sponsored by the same kind friend.He was also sponsored 3 rounds of this WBG product Indinine. The good news is his eczema got significantly better. People all were commenting. Also, it seems that he is pushing his poo poo out by himself... I find a little more strength in his anus puckering! Thank You Lord!

Patterning

2008-04-28T00:42:00.001-07:00

We finally started our patterning.

Guess God has His ways to get us started.

I wanted to start this from the time I attended the Glenn Doman's "What to do" course but due to lack of hands, we never really started.

Then, our dear helper of 5 mths said she wanted to go home last month (yes, when she was just 4 months with us) so I took another helper to train.

So there was an overlap and finally I kinda had enough hands to do patterning... so I wasted no time in getting it started as soon as I got the new helper in on the 22nd April.

Thurs night 24th April - our very first serious session of 30 counts!
Fri morning 25th April before going to work - 1 session of 30 counts!
Sat 26th April, 2008 - 1 session of 30 count and 1 session of 10 count
Sunday 27th April, 2008 - 4 sessions of 40 counts

Praise the Lord! Thank you Lord for sending the help.

SACCRE Healing Rally

2008-04-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

Organised by the Singapore Archdiocesan Catholic Charismatic Renewal
Theme: "Under the Umbrella of God"
"If a man remains in Me, he will bear much fruit" Jn 15:5
Date: Fri 25 Apr
Time: 7.45 pm
Venue: Church
Speaker: Christian Chua

Enquiries, call Anna Pat - 97291239

Healing Mass

2008-04-22T23:01:00.000-07:00

I think...

it's at Church of St Anthony's
7.30 or 7.45pm
23rd April 2008 Wed.
Father Augustine Mundackatt

Urodynamic Studies (UDS)

2008-04-14T01:19:00.000-07:00

lined up for Jeremiah

15th April 2008, 1100am

Please keep Jeremiah in your prayers that the studies can only show good positive results. Yes, our Lord is faithful!
JEREMIAH WILL BE WELL! AMEN!

Healing Mass

2008-04-14T01:17:00.000-07:00

Got last minute info

so here it is....

Healing Mass
14 April 2008
7.45pm
Church of the Holy Spirit
I heard it's Father Augustine Mundackatt

I'm Glad I live in a ....

2008-03-23T07:44:00.000-07:00

HOUSE!
Not in a hole like a....
Jere shouted "MOUSE"!

We all cracked up when we heard Jere shouted that "MOUSE!"
I could not believe my own ears as I was in another room when Jere answered "MOUSE!" to my singing and I went, "Who said that? Was it Jere?" and the daddy and the helper proudly and happily echoed "YES!"

All of us kinda got infected by The Donut Repair Club Christian Music.

We started out with 2 vcds, 1 of which I got for Nathaniel when he was about 2 years old. Then, when I told my sister that Nat loved it, she got him another. Soon we kinda forgot about it till Jeremiah came around.

When we put it on the vcd player since jere's arrival and as the song Higher Higher played, Jeremiah would crawl all over the living room round the dining table which made us really glad as he danced for the Lord!

Then, one day, God blessed us with 6 more of such VCDs from an angel called Peck Lee whom I've never even met before! Peck Lee wanted to sell these vcds and I contacted her but later Peck Lee decided to give it to the boys hoping that they would minister to the boys and indeed they have! Praise the Lord!

Now Jere always asks for the Donut Man or another of the Psalty's vcd saying "CHURCH MOUSE CHURCH MOUSE!"

Go get your kids some donut man CDs today! It's amazing and surely wonderful to hear the kids give praise to God! ALLELUIA!

Easter and New Life

2008-03-22T11:44:00.000-07:00

It's gonna be wonderful tonight as we witness the baptism of many in the Easter vigil.

Tim and Nat are new converts baptised some 3 years ago. Oops! I can't even remember the date. Maybe today, later, I'll make an effort to find out the dates of all our baptisms and celebrate as we would celebrate the birthday since this is even better than our birthday!

The only baptism date that I remember is Jeremiah's. We were so afraid then when he was born. Afraid that he would not be able to make it as he stopped breathing on us several times in the Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit(NICU). Jeremiah stayed in there for more than 2 weeks and when he was discharged finally, we quickly booked him the next infant baptism date.

Jeremiah was baptized 1st October 2006, yup, some one and half year ago and yes, apologies for not showing you this pic earlier.

The bib that Jeremiah is wearing reads "Through baptism, I have become a child of God".

Only after Jere's baptism then did I heave a huge sigh of relief as I entrusted all in the hands of the Lord. Jeremiah had NEW life within him from then and if you had been following my blog, you would not have missed how God had walked with us and blessed us.

Thank you Father God for giving us your son to save us! Thank you Father for your gift of life. Thank you Father for blessing us. I pray thee Father to guide us and help us to follow your plans for we know you have wondrous plans for us. AMEN!

So if you are thinking of CHOCOLATES! EGGS! BUNNIES....when the word Easter is mentioned?

It's time to ask yourself, Where's JESUS? Does colored eggs and bunnies and chocolates have anything to do with Jesus? Where did this concept of easter bunnies and eggs originated?

I guess the real meaning of easter has really been buried with time.

Okie, I won't go into the bunnies and hares, springs and what nots that has commercialised the whole matter of Easter.

Let's dig out the truth and honour Our Lord Jesus's victory over death, His resurrection from the dead, and His glorious promises of eternal life for all who believe in Him as it brings us new life.

By His stripes we are all healed!

The Resurrection of Christ brings new life!

AMEN!
ALLELUIA!
PRAISE THE LORD!

Creeping aka Doggy crawl?

2008-03-21T00:00:00.001-07:00

Well, actually he first started creeping when we were at Pattaya, Thailand. We were so excited to see him creeping then.

We were so so fascinated! That was 4th November 2007! Praise the Lord! Alleluia! He is doing very much on this now. Whenever he crawls on his tummy, we would tell him "Jere, up and creep!" and he would do just this! Praise the Lord for the strength that Jere is getting! and his accomplishments everyday!

Our water baby

2008-03-20T17:14:00.000-07:00

Somehow, we were always told that water therapy is very good for little Jeremiah and we always took to the pools as often as we could get. How nice if there was one just downstairs! We always went to the one at Yishun or Bishan where they had a wading pool that Jere could do his creeping (in Glenn Doman terms it meant getting on the knees and hands). Here's one of the pictures of Jere at the pool in SAFRA Yishun

This picture is taken 26th Jan 2008. Jeremiah just loves the water! The thermal suit that Jere has on is a blessing from God through Laura :)

5th Neurologist Assessment - 20th March 2008

2008-03-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how prayers really work! God is ever so faithful! Just stay close to Him and you can never go wrong in anything you do.

The assessment was good! GREAT! WONDERFUL! In every aspect that we prayed.

I am sure the neurologist was God guided for one. Then the progress report was good!

Okie lemme just recount what happened.

We entered the doctor's room. Dr J was sitting there as usual but this time with 2 young medical students? sitting behind her.

Dr J: Hello Jere!

Me (carrying Jere): Jere, say hello.

Well, usually he does so spontaneously, but this time he was a little wary. He scanned the room and I bet if he was on his feet, he would really take to his heels! After so many medical appointments, Jere seemed to have developed a radar to detect doctors far or near, western or chinese.

Nat who came along, settled himself comfortably opposite the doctor at the table and went "I know you! You are the doctor on the ship!" Nat recognised Dr J for being on the cruise with us when we went on a trip with Club Rainbow last December.

Dr J: Sure I am!

Jere kinda senses it's not that "dangerous" after all since korkor is so comfy.

Me (quickly taking the opportunity): Come on, be nice Jere. Say HELLO.

Jere waved a little wave and manage a little "HAR-LO"

Quickly, I tried to switch his attention.
Pointing to the seat near the doctor, I asked, "Jere, would you like to take a seat?"
Jere nodded and went "SIT"
Me: Jere, can you ask nicely? say MUMMY.... PLEASE..... MAY.... I...... SIT?
Jere followed after me, nodding: MUMMY.... PLEASE..... MAY..... I...... SIT?

Boy! Was the doctor impressed!

Dr J: Wow! Jere, it's only 3 months ago that I last saw you and you are speaking so much now!

By now Kor kor Nat was playing with his box of dinosaurs and car that he brought along. Quickly I asked Korkor to distract Jere before he gets uncomfortable. Nat passed over a dinosaur and Jere went "SAUR.... SAUR".

Dr J: Oh! He can say quite a number of words already huh?

Me (proudly): Yeah!

Dr J (looking at Jere's eczema):His skin looks like it's getting worst yeah...

Me: It's actually getting better! It used to be weepy. At least, now it's dry. I've been using homeopathic medicine on him.

Dr J: You know that you have to look out for latex allergy right?

Me: Yeah

Actually, I think Jere is more allergy to the dirt and dust in the environment coz I noticed his skin got worst when he started crawling and sitting on the floor and eating whatever we were eating. We try to keep our home as clean as possible but how far can we get when we've got a dog at home and we can't possibly just dump her somewhere coz after all, the doggie, Bonnie is our ROM child. Well,we got her when we ROM coz we were not supposed to have kids yet then... haha Registering Of Marriage here in Singapore is not considered officially married till you marry customarily. But I must say the children love her! yes Bonnie. I think the doggie is also a kinda therapy for the kids. I have always believed that kids raised with animals tend to be more compassionate and we could also teach them responsible stewardship. Jere loved Bonnie since he first saw her. He was always trying to reach out for her.

this picture was taken 23rd Dec 2006. Okie let's not drift off the topic.

Now back to the neurology news....

Dr J (whipping out her measuring tape): Jere, can I measure your head?

Jere (sharply): NO! (quickly turning to me) GO! GO! GO! (pointing out of the room)
He always seemed a little sensitive when it came to looking at his lesion or measuring his head.

Dr J, learning from her last appointment with us when I took the measuring tape from her and measured my own head and Nat's before attempting to measure Jere's then tried to measure her own head and then Nat's and tried Jere really quickly and succeeded.

Dr J: Good! It's the same as 3 months ago!

Me: Praise the Lord!

This means the hydrocephalus has been arrested! AMEN!

Me: Jere, Praise the Lord!
Jere lifted his hands in praise.

Dr J: Wow! Jere, say AMEN!

WOW! AIN"T DR J GOD GUIDED???? OF COZ SHE IS! AMEN! PRAISE THE LORD! ALLELUIA!

Dr J finally acknowledges she is dealing with some strong believers here that she had no qualms about saying AMEN in the consulting room.

Jere: AMEN!

Dr J (examining his legs): Can he stand?

I stood Jere up against the chair and told Jere: STAND JERE! STAND!

Then I went on to explain how Jere is standing with his feet turned in and what we've been doing by turning it proper whenever we see him doing that.

Dr J: That's great! The last time I saw him, he was just crawling and now he's standing.

Actually, Jere was standing this way since last August 2007. He first attempted to stand on the 23rd August, 2007 to be exact. But I decided to leave it and not bother to clarify with the doctor as she's got too many patients... how was she to keep track. Thank goodness I did so myself. But I'm glad she had good things to say.

Then I took out Jere's sandals and told the doctor about how the right foot is turned in and how the leg itself seems to look like it was cramping up at the calf to make the foot turn in. She then explained it's due to the nerves. Then, I told her about how the left foot would tense up all the time and thus worsen the feet's eczema. She then explained it was some hyperdorsiflexion. Okie...another medical term for me to read up!

Dr J then looked at Jere and said: Hhmmmm.... looks like the brace and splints are not gonna help this guy if he is not gonna move and walk when he has them on.

I had told Dr J that whenever we put Dennis Brown boots for the little fella, he does not move as much.

Wow! for once the doctor are not gonna force that brace and splints down my throat!

I've been subscribing to Glenn Doman's school of thought of "Function determines structure" but the doctors all have been telling me "BRACE! SPLINTS! AFO! (whatever that means)" In other words, they were strong believers of the contrary of Glenn's belief "Structure determines function".

Think about it... if you brace, splint and what not, not giving the muscle to develop at all, and when you ever remove that brace or splint, the person is just gonna fall flat on his face! No? They would depend on the splint and brace to stand and thus never ever develop any muscle tone. So what's the point of all these brace and splints? To be dependent on them all their life?

Then Dr J said: Maybe you could consider Wellington boots

I was wondering in my mind what is that? Sounds like a high class term of the market boots that the fishmongers wear :P

Anyway, all along I've had this idea of getting Jere a good pair of boots and now's the time to ask!

Me: It seems to me that Jere's foot is turned in due to some muscle tension from the ankle up and not the foot itself? Would it be better if I get him a good comfy pair of boots like from Timberland and so he could walk in them?

Dr J: Well, you could try... yes! maybe not those rubber ones as you need to tighten up from the ankle.

Yeah heh! Goodbye to Dennis Brown boots! Finally kinda have a licence from the doctor to throw out the idea of splints and what nots.

Dr J: Looks like we can try to make him walk

Me: Yeah! of coz we can. He can also dance you know.

Picking Jere up, supporting him and standing him on the floor, Jere started to dance almost like a limp puppet but I thought that was a wonderful effort on his part.

Dr J to her medical students: Jere is born with a lesion at an upper level, about L1 L2. He had his surgery early so hopefully the nerves were preserved and he would slowly regain ...

Dr J continued to talk to her students. She talked about how important it was to have devoted and motivated parents.

Indeed! I feel very much that "The fate of a child is very much in the hands of his parents!" and so if I as a parent on earth will never give up on him, what more our heavenly father GOD!

HE WILL NEVER ABANDON US! HE WILL DELIVER US!HE HAS PLANS FOR US.... PLANS TO PROSPER, NOT TO DESTROY! AMEN!!!!

Okie back to the topic...

Me: So Dr, do I need to look out for anything with regard to his development? What do I need to do?

Dr J: Carry on whatever you are doing.

ALRIGHT!!!! OUR LORD REIGNS VICTORIOUS!

Jere then gave Hi 5 to Dr J and her two medical students, gave them a cheeky smile, said byebye and blew them kisses. Ha! I bet Jere made their day!

We walked out HAPPY! Praise the Lord! Thank You Lord!

Jeremiah and God

2008-03-19T07:32:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, 15th March 2008, we finally did it!
I went forward to the front of the whole congegation with Jeremiah to give our testimony on how God had delivered us and blessed us in St Michael's church healing mass as promised some 3 months ago. We had missed the last two healing masses as the kids were unwell and finally we did it!

This was what happened that Saturday. As usual, testimonies were being called for and I went forward with Jeremiah. Carrying him in my arms, I told of the goodness of the Lord, how faithful our God had been to us and how he had carried us through all our trials. At the end of it, I even told the congregation how Jere would call on Jesus and Mother Mary and when I was done and gave the microphone to Jeremiah, Jeremiah said "JESUS"

It was a wonderful moment. The congregation applauded and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD! ALLELUIA!"

Unfortunately we did not manage to get any pictures but here's a glimpse on how early our dear little baby was praising God! We started to take him since he was 3 months to healing masses at St Michael's church.

Thinking back, he actually started to lift his hands up in praise in March 2007. He was about 8 months then. I realise it but was too busy to tell everyone. Yeah... how terrible, I know. I should have given praise and glory to His name. Then my dear dad, Jere's ah kong discovered that while Jere was staying over when the helper went home for her home leave. Man! Was Ah Kong excited! He told anyone and everyone he saw how his grandson praise the Lord!

At 10 months, we decided we should bring a camera to capture how the little one praise God! Here it is! This picture was taken 19th May 2007.

Isn't it wonderful? Look at how Jeremiah lifts his hands up in praise and worship for the Lord!

This little baby was just born to praise God and glorify His name!

Jesus, name above all names
Beautiful Saviour, Glorious Lord!
Emmanuel! God is with us
Blessed Redeemer, Living word!

As two Sundays back when the priest gave the homily, he said,
"Whose sin was it, the father or the child that a child was born blind?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Neither. It was no one's sin. The child was born blind so that God's works could be displayed in him. When I heard that, I thought how true it was as I see God's works being displayed in Jeremiah constantly. Praise the Lord!

5th Neurologist Assessment coming

2008-03-19T07:14:00.000-07:00

It's time again for that routine check up.
Thurs 20th March 2008 1150hr KKH
Please pray that the doctor is guided by God and that Jeremiah's progress can only be good :) AMEN!

Of the brothers!

2008-03-18T19:44:00.001-07:00

Okie...
after I ranted so much about the older one...
maybe I should do him some justice!

Nat's a sweet little one really...
He prays for Jeremiah all the time... learning terms like spina bifida, neurogenic bladder, hydrocephalus, bleh.... and praying specifically for Jeremiah's complete healing all the time...
Now hands up... how many of you know these terms? All these were alien to me till Jeremiah was born and Nat picked them all up as we had our nightly prayers.

Here's my first little angel :)

Now, ain't he handsome?

and here's the second little angel...

Ain't he a cutie?

I think they look kinda alike too!

They've really grown! Check them out in this picture taken 3rd September 2006.

Jeremiah was about 3 months then and Nat just turned 4.

My wonderful gifts from God! Thank You Lord for these blessings! AMEN!

Have we neglected the big bro?

2008-03-17T01:43:00.000-07:00

Today I caught myself saying this to my sister after hanging up on the phone with the helper at home.

"Horrible Nat! Naughty Nat! Attention seeking NAT!!!!"
Catching myself, I shouted "HELPPPPPP!!!!!!!"

The helper had just called to say Nat was not co-operating and did not want to go to his art class(something that he had asked for and usually likes).

Why can't I find something nice to say about my son?
Why does he give the helper hell????
I just told my sister earlier that morning that Nat's a big boy now. He's a good boy and merely a few hours later, I am shouting the contrary.

Yes, he has grown! He's a great boy! But he is also very much a bully when left with the helper alone. I really cannot stand it when I see him shouting at the helper. I feel so bad and ashamed to say he's my son when he does that.

It almost seems like a vicious cycle beyond my control. The helper practises favourtism very obviously. She favours Jere more and this only leads to Nat resenting the fact and thus giving her hell everytime an opportunity arises.

I hate his attitude problem! His screaming at the helper. His rude attitude when playing with other children. Children he is not familiar with, he would be rude, like give them a black face and speak to them in a one kind tone. Children he is familiar with, he will be screaming so so loud as he plays with them.

I thought I spent a good whole of his formative years with him, teaching him and guiding him.

Why? Why did it have to turn out like that? *ANGRY*

okok... I know, I know.... please do not start whipping out solutions to me....
I just wanted to vent... that's all.

Sis says:
Afterall they are kids...

I say:
I definitely don't subscribe to the school of thought of "afterall they are kids " It is definitely not a good or valid reason at all! No! not at all! DEFINITELY NOT!

They can be taught!
DEFINITELY!
They need to be more secure about themselves.
I need to work on this.
I need to learn more about this and learn how to do it!
If I have to start all over again, I would!
Nat's just 5!
Even if it takes me double the time....
10 yrs to change him to be a better person, at least I know he will be a better teenager coz he will be 15 by then.

Nat was never a bad child to start with.

No child is ever born bad.

Quoting Suzuki, "Children are examples of life in its truest form, for they really try to live in pure love and joy."

I know deep down inside Nat's just really insecure. One thing leads to another. He becomes attention seeking.

Sometimes I get so warped when I see his behaviour, almost believing that I really had a monster for a son, almost wondering if it was a mistake at all to have kids.

BUT NO!!!! I AM NOT GONNA LET MY HEART BE TROUBLED!

NO! IT WAS NOT A MISTAKE TO HAVE KIDS! NEVER WAS!

This blog was meant to talk about my journey in faith as I walk this road with my special little boy Jeremiah. Sadly, I must admit some way or another, I may have neglected Jeremiah's older brother, yes Jeremiah's 哥哥 Nathaniel. I hardly ever talked about how I managed the older brother, Nathaniel.

Whenever people see me, they'll go
"How's Jere?"
"How's the little hero?"
"How's the little angel?"

and sometimes or rather most of the times, they forgot Jere's brother, Nathaniel. And yes, Mummy here also is guilty as charged.

How could I forget sweet little Nat?

When I was preggers, Nat would touch my tummy and ask me in anticipation when would baby pop out of mummy's tummy?

Then when I birthed Jere and when Nat came to visit, he thought baby was still in the tummy as my tummy was still huge, yeah...I probably looked as if i haven't given birth at all and the baby was not in the room as it usually was when we went to visit people who just delivered their precious.

We finally went home from hospital after 2 days without the baby of course as little Jere was stuck in Neo natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) and Nat still kept asking where's baby? We told Nat that baby had to stay in hospital as he was not big enough to come home, which was only the half truth. Undoubtedly, baby is small but he definitely could come home in that size if he had been born normal but we did not tell Nat about baby having his spine born out, having an open neural tube defect and having one surgery after another. We thought it was probably too much for a four year old to handle then. Well, how much would he be able to comprehend of that?

Then when Jeremiah finally came home, all the focus was on Jeremiah. Suddenly all the love that Nat enjoyed seemed to be channeled to the little one. Nat seemed almost suddenly replaced. Well, that's probably how Nat must have felt. Soon, Nat started to act up alot!

Till today, 20 months later, Nat still acts up quite a bit and I can only attribute it to his insecurity. Much as I know what's the problem here, I think I very much must be able to translate my thoughts into actions. To merely want to do something about it is not enough.

Love can be had only by loving.

Love it was that made us
And it was love that saved us
Love was God's plan when He made man
God's divine nature is love
Born of God's love we must love him
that's why He made us to love Him
but only when we love all man
Can we partake of God's love
but only when we love all man
Can we partake of God's love

Nat, if you ever read this one day,
I want you to know that I love you.
I want you to know you are my wonderful gift from God and you are a star!
and I am trying my best for you.

You and Jere are my special angels!

Thank you Lord for these blessings!

Keloid

2008-03-05T00:03:00.000-08:00

According to Wikipedia,
A keloid is a type of scar which results in an overgrowth of tissue at the site of a healed skin injury. Keloids are firm, rubbery lesions or shiny, fibrous nodules, and can vary from pink to flesh-colored or red to dark brown in color. A keloid scar is benign, non-contagious, and usually accompanied by severe itchiness, sharp pains, and changes in texture. In severe cases, it can affect movement of skin.

At 20 mths exactly today, Jere's battle scar look like this. This is at the part where you usually feel your backbone. Yes, Jere was born with his out... not covered. Jere has had 2 operations since. One at Day 1 of his life to cover up the open neural tube defect and the other was on the 8th day when the neuro surgeon said there was a leakage at the op site and need to do repair. That second op, the neuro surgeon put in artificial tissue. After that, the would healed and this formed. It is exactly as what is described above. "firm, rubbery lesions or shiny, fibrous nodules, and can vary from pink to flesh-colored or red to dark brown in color" depending how you look at it. And yes, it is severely itchy, that Jere scratches at it without mercy so we could hardly wear nice tees for him but rather we still have to dress him in rompers and onesies so we button up and he can't get at it... and it's so hard to find big cool looking onesies as he gets bigger by the day.

Please pray that the healing blood of Jesus be upon Jeremiah and that Jere can live life without being so affected by this. This is just the surface. We pray even more that the precious blood of Jesus covers Jeremiah from the top of his head to the soles of his feet and flows through every fibre, every nerve and every cell of Jeremiah and heal everything that has been affected by his open neural tube defect. AMEN

Battles aren't won by spears and swords...
The battle is the Lord's!

AMEN!

Before the MCU

2008-03-04T20:19:00.000-08:00

Last December, 17th Dec to be exact, Jere went for his MCU, a procedure where they checked for any backflow of urine. If you refer back to the posts in Dec, you will get more understanding of it.

This was how he looked just outside the room at the diagnostic imaging department of KKH. Unsuspecting... totally trusting...

Simple child-like faith and nothing more... That's what Jesus Christ has ever asked us for.

He could even smile at the camera... That is my sweet little hero for you....

AND so our FATHER GOD delivered him from all evil....

However, after the procedure, we were too all over him to take any pics... but we were victorious with the results! Praise GOD! IF you have not read, the radiologist said something to the effect that "looks like he will recover his condition" AMEN AMEN AMEN! ALLELUIA! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!

Faith, Faith is like a child
Simple in its spirit
Generous and Kind
Willing to accept
what cannot be denied or defined
One thing
Simple child-like faith and nothing more
That's what Jesus Christ has ever asked us for
Simple child-like faith and nothing more

My BIG HERO

2008-03-04T07:31:00.000-08:00

A long awaited pic....
I know I ought to upload more pics here as a picture paints a thousand words...
My apologies....
Without further ado

Here it is...
my pride and motivation and inspiration in life!
taken by Dixie at Shan's house on her little one's birthday party

That's Jeremiah in the ball pool, having his fun. Look at him... he's all smiles...

Thank you Lord for this child so beautifully and wonderfully made!

More on vocabulary!

2008-02-27T08:25:00.000-08:00

This little guy simply makes me laugh as he learns to speak....
The very words he utter is so so cute!

The minute he wakes up from his bed, he will excitedly ask for "Hi 5!" Yes, he usually wakes up just in time for that on NickJr channel.

Then as I am about to leave the house the little fella would shout "I WANT GO! I WANT GO!" Then he walks me to the MRT to work (ok it's me carrying him actually,though I really look forward to the day that he walks with me) he will point out and say
"BUS!"
"CAR!"

He will start counting down with me as the green man starts to flash while we cross the road. "TEN NINE EIGHT SEVEN SIX FIVE FOUR THREE TWO ONE!" and watches eagerly for the vehicles to blast off after.

When he hears the trains coming he will go "TRAIN! TRAIN! TRAIN! TRAIN!"

He sees the baby on the TV he excitedly goes "BABY! BABY!"

He recognises the rubber duckie that the baby in the tv was playing and cries out "DUCK! DUCK!"

He waits eagerly for the short ID on the nickjr channel shouting out "KORKOR! KORKOR!" as he spots Nat.

That's my beautiful baby Jeremiah for you :)
Father God bless and heal this little one! AMEN

Battle of the Sexes!

2008-02-27T08:15:00.000-08:00

Jere seems to love the masculine....
I say Yee Ma, Jere will go "PAPA" that's what he calls my brother in law.
I say Grandma, Jere says "Ah kong"

Not just in language but he seems to want the male to carry him. The 婆婆(granny) neighbour was telling me how little Jere rejects her offer to carry and flies to her son instead. And so my sister was also complaining to me how my dear son flies to her husband instead of her :P

My holy baby!

2008-02-21T00:56:00.000-08:00

What's the little fella up to?
His vocab, is wonderful....

I packed the boys into the car to go pick the daddy in church. As we were approaching the church, the little fella said
"CHURCH! CHURCH! CHURCH!"
"JESUS! JESUS! JESUS!"
"MAMA MAREE reeee MAMA MAREEE MAMA MARRRREEEE Reeeee"
We are catholics by the way, if you haven't noticed yet....
I thought that was just so so cool...

This little fella is really holy....
Whenever he goes to my mum's house, he will wanna head straight to the altar which has figurines of Jesus and Mother Mary, and little Jere will join his hands and say "I PRAY I PRAY"

It's amazing! So so amazing to see this little child grow in His love!

On mobility

2008-02-20T23:37:00.000-08:00

He's creeping (in Glenn Doman's terms)much more and can do it on command :)
What's creeping really? it's the baby crawling on their hands and knees, tummy off the floor. He's still very comfortable crawling with his tummy on the floor, pulling himself along with his arms.
But when I say "Up! baby, UP! Creep over to mummy!"
Little Jere will get on his knees and hands and creep over!

Praise the Lord!

The Lord will strengthen and straighten Jere's feet and legs and Jere will walk, run, skip and jump! AMEN!
The Lord will restore the nerves in the the open neural defect and Jere will be bealed! AMEN AMEN!

I want MILK!

2008-02-20T23:24:00.000-08:00

Sunday，I was looking at Jere and felt that he lost his baby fats.... is it due to not enough milk and nutrition? He used to look like a 莲藕 (lotus) well i mean his limbs just looked like the lotus root :P I think I have to face the fact that I am not supplying enough milk anymore and I gotta look for alternatives....

Monday morning...I was in the shower.... thinking and worrying how little my milk supply is now and is Jere getting enough as I showered . I've been a milk bar for coming 20 months and the amount that I pump out now is so so measly that I've started to ask the helper to top it up with formula initially but his eczema flared... so I concluded that he could be allergic to cow's milk. So a friend from the Moms4Moms (m4m) forum passed me some goat milk samples and he's finished the goat milk samples. I also tried him on organic oatmilk but seemed like he liked the goatmilk better.

As I got out of the shower, Tim was sorting out his mails and said "Hey, you got a little package!"
I looked at it and thought, "WOW! It's amazing how God provides! Just when I was worrying about the milk, it comes in the mail!" A friend had given me a link sometime last week to fill to get some samples and I did and VOILA! but it's just two packs and it probably just last me another day. Well, that gives me sometime to figure out something.

That day I quickly try to see where can I get this goat milk cheapest coz at guardian or cold storage, apparently it's selling at $45-48 for a 900gm tin. The friend from m4m forum offered me a special price but I had to get 13 tins at a go. I wasn't too confident to take so many one shot so I tried to spree it on the mummy's forum and praise the Lord I got people to share and we are getting it at about $38 per tin which is a whole 10 bucks cheaper!

Wednesday evening when I was home, Jere was going " I WANT MILK. I WANT MILK!"
The helper said, the milk is finished and Jere could take 150ml at one go. Well, that wasn't really a surprise as the little fella took that amount when he was in NICU in his first 2 weeks which shocked the nurses all. Jere took about 70ml of my Expressed Breast Milk (EBM) which was all i managed to squeezed out at office that day and shouted for "MORE! MORE!" so the helper quickly made a satchet of the goat milk. Funny thing was when it was ready, he got really cranky and refused it. He probably knows breast is best :D and guess what? Korkor Nat took it and finished the whole 180ml. Okie I can't delay no more and I headed straight to Annie's to pick up the milk.

I am still planning to direct feed him whenever I can and I gotta say, breastmilk is the best antibiotics EVER! Thank You Lord for giving me the supply and making me able to provide for my little one.

Solutions to the ITCHY prob?

2008-02-20T01:58:00.000-08:00

Thank you Lord for all your wonderful angels that have responded to little Jere's ITCHY prob.

It's amazing how remedies and suggestions start to stream in once i posted on Jere's chronic eczema problem. Thank you all and here's what been happening....

I caved in and used the Fusidin H that the dr prescribed coz Jere's pants would get all wet from the weepy eczema behind his knees.

At the same time, I also started to soak Jere and sponge Jere with 金银花 bath.
Thank you Xianling for your 金银花 bath soak remedy. I started to soak Jere since last weekend. He seems to be enjoying it. How blessed this little boy is bathing in flowers, like princesses in their milk bath. :D

Then I also called the kampung fish therapy people opposite Novena and was told to try Jere for a session and see how.

I must confess I am a very alternative person seeking alternative treatments more than anything else but nevertheless, I thank you all people namely...

Biow: I think I've dressed him in 100% cotton and lynn even bought me some clothes for him... but....
okie... maybe i gotta start putting away soft toys... i've got all these funnny soft toy bolsters around his mattress to cushion him falling into any gaps...
and detergent we are using the bb ones
and vaseline petroleum jelly does not work on him at all... it flared... RED and FURIOUS....

Lara: the dr said that this is very common in spina bifida kids :(

E: i am gonna try the kampung fish therapy... have been reading up on it and asking people all around... called the people at Novena and will soon bmake an appointment.

Liping: yeah i've looked into all that organic wash and all already....

Elin: yeah i finally put that steroidal fucidic thingie and it took the flare off and looks like it's getting slightly better but it's STEROID :( i really don't like the idea of giving him antihistamine but am giving the homeopathy equivalent of arsenicum and sometimes allium.

Karen: thanks for the recommendation of the dr. Will call you for the contact if nothing else works....

i know Jere's eczema will be healed...
at the last healing mass at CSC, Fr Gino said someone will be healed of the rashes and allergy and i claim this upon Jeremiah. AMEN

Missing our 3rd Sat St Michael's Healing Mass

2008-02-17T21:24:00.000-08:00

:(
We've always looked forward to it and this month is the second time we missed it. The boys were down with a horrible flu last weekend especially so on Sat that they just sleep and sleep after their medication. So we missed the healing mass again this time. Last month, Jere had the fever and this month is the flu.

Lord, protect the kids from all these nasty viruses and ban away anything that would keep us away from you. AMEN!

ITCHY ITCHY ITCHY!!!!

2008-02-12T01:52:00.000-08:00

Jere's eczema seems to be getting really really bad.... it's extremely red and weepy especially behind the knees.... sometimes his eyes even get puffy and there are red patches on his face.

His neurologist had mentioned before that spina bifida kids tend to have very bad skin problems....

We've tried almost everything....
homeopathy.... super costly
aloe gel... he uses oh so much....
tea tree lotions....
doctors prescribe.... steroidal creams like hydrocortisone...

we've tried almost every kinda bath on the shelves... from QV to QV kids to cetaphil to dermaveen to I don't know what else....

last night he's so upset coz of the itch that he refused dinner.

He just went ITCHY ITCHY ITCHY......

poor baby....

If you've got anything good to recommend, please leave me a note...

or should i return to do the constitutional test with the homeopath and as she said tear off the layer that it never returns....

or I am about to become a witch doctor making my own concoction till i find sometime right.... Lord lead me!

Yes, the Lord will heal Jeremiah. AMEN

Update on the Fever

2008-01-21T08:23:00.000-08:00

It's Monday morning and it's kinda low grade or gone now...

The whole Friday night, I was like on sentry duty as the fever spiked a high of 39.5 deg and hovered about there.

Came Sat morning, it went down to a low grade fever of 37 plus.

That Sat, we made an appointment to see Dr Simon Ng at Mt Alvernia at 4.30pm while monitoring his temperature all day.

Little Jere seemed to have a little cough and quite a sore throat so Dr Simon said he would treat it as an upper respiratory infection and watch.

Sunday, his temperature was alright... ranging from low grade fever to normal....

The fever should not go beyond 3 days says Dr Simon and that is Monday afternoon it should be gone GONE!

Praise the Lord Jere seems well and temperature seems normal when I left for work. He was still sleeping.... how sweet... my baby...

Fever's Gone!

2008-01-18T17:11:00.000-08:00

Praise the Lord!
Temperature is now 36.8 deg.... NORMAL.

Keep those prayers going and keep little Jeremiah covered and protected.

BAN THE FEVER AWAY!!!!!

AMEN

Fever :(

2008-01-18T15:36:00.000-08:00

The helper just called and said Jere's hot with 39.2 deg fever.

Please pray that the fever gets banned away and no further complications arise. Amen.

i don't really feel like writing much so in short,

Please pray that the fever gets banned away....

and that it's not UTI.

Everytime he gets a fever, i hope it's juz a bug he juz caught and not UTI

when he gets fever
I get scared
coz i worry for UTI
which means he gotta go for antibiotic jab daily or be warded....
and then if he gets UTI, i gotta worry for his kidneys too
his condition ---> more prone to UTI
coz he has what you call a neurogenic bladder = he can't empty his bladder

Please pray that little Jere will be well soon! AMEN.

4th Neurologist Assessment - Dec 2007 - How did it go?

2007-12-27T19:24:00.000-08:00

In short, it's ok. will elaborate later.

but the Dr sure always says things to bring me down the rest of the day.

God's prompting!

2007-12-26T20:13:00.000-08:00

and yes His prompting is so so strong that I must post here and remind myself....
I got that prompting at the last healing mass and now as I am seated in front of the PC too....telling me even to print out a part of this blog which shares the good news to be put on transparency on the overhead projector so that people could read if we are not clear enough as we speak.

At the last healing mass in St Michael's 15th Dec, when testimonies were being called for, I was telling myself as I was seated at my bench that I wanna go out and proclaim His name and give all glory to Him the next healing mass! I told the Lord that in 2 days' time, Jeremiah will have a test, the Micturating Cistogram or MCU in short to check the functionality of his bladder and if there was any reflux to the kidneys. I asked the Lord to heal Jeremiah, to protect Jeremiah kidneys, to heal his neurogenic bladder, restore the nerves that had been affected in the open neural tube defect. I then told the Lord, Lord, I wanna be out there in the next healing mass sharing in the wonderful love and blessings that He has bestowed upon Jeremiah and us his family.

Jeremiah was born with Spina Bifida, in other words, an open neural tube defect and this affects him hips down, of which one of the problems are a neurogenic bladder which is Drs say he can't empty his bladder due to some nerve that got damaged or never ever developed. Thus, we have to go for such tests regularly to assess progress to ensure the kidneys aren't affected.

And the next healing mass at St Michael's you shall see us proclaim His name! otherwise knock us hard on our heads! Maybe I should get Tim to read this or to do the testimony as I always get too emotional. TIM DEAR! ARE YOU READING????

The next healing mass
19th January 2007
3rd Sat Mass with Healing Service
Church of St Michael
Rosary session 6.45pm
Praise & Worship 7.30pm
Mass with healing session 8.00pm

See u there! God bless!

Neurologist Assessment - Dec 2007

2007-12-26T18:13:00.000-08:00

Gosh! How time flies!

It's been 3 months since little Jerry was last assessed by the neurologist at KKH and he's due for his appointment again on the 27th Dec at 1150am clinic P KKH.

Please pray that the neurologist is guided by God in her assessment and that Jerry grows up with healthy wonderful development! AMEN!

MERRY BLESSED CHRISTMAS!!!!

2007-12-25T18:13:00.000-08:00

to one and all!

and let's celebrate keeping in mind it's Jesus birthday!
Thank you Father in heaven for sending us your son, Jesus.

Lord at this Christmas time I come to you
I need to talk to you today
I need to thank you that you came to Earth
and that you came in such a special way
You came to save a lost and lonely world
No other reason for your birth
and yet so often we forget you on this day
Lord there's just one thing
I really need to say
I want to give you a special gift
to say I love you by what I do
I want this Christmas to be different from the rest
I want to give myself to you

Here's something very special for the more chinese people... well even for me... who is not so into chinese also appreciate this so I am sure you will all appreciate this.... esp when the kids sing this.... just awesome!
it's all about

THE GIFT

一件礼物

1。有一件礼物，你收到没有，
眼睛看不到，你心会知道，
这一件礼物，心门外等候，
是为了你准备，别人不能收。

副歌：生命有限，时光也会走，
如果你不珍惜，机会难留，
礼物虽然好，如果你不要，
你怎么能够得到，
怎么能得到？

2。亲爱的朋友，你是否想到，
马槽的婴孩，是为你而来，
亲爱的朋友，你是否了解，
最好的礼物是人子主耶稣。

Jere's 17 and a half months

2007-12-18T23:54:00.001-08:00

today... yeah exactly

and let's look at what our little champ can do!

First, Let's look at his spiritual milestones.

1.The little one joins his hands when you say "Jere, let's say grace" before our meals.

2. At the cue of "In the name of the father,....." he tries to make the sign of the cross. *dot dot dot here dot dot dot there with his little fingers but just dot all the wrong places at the wrong time!* haha

3. When we pray, he ends it with "Amen!"

4. He tries to sing the hymns that you are singing with his own renditions and lifts up his hands in praise and worship.

then he has started to call.... not in any order of preference and some of which he has been calling for the longest time

1. Ma meh (that's me!)
2. Dar Dar (that's his daddy!)
3. Kor Kor
4. Tita (tagalog for aunty that's what he calls our helpers)
5. Grandma
6. Ah Kong
7. Ah Ta (means paternal grandpa in hakka)
8. Ah Nei (means paternal grandma in hakka)
9. Papa (that's what he calls my dear Brother-in-law Jason actually. Jerry just decides to call him Papa!)
10. Mama (that what he calls my dear sis... his variation of Yee Ma)
11. Porpor (all the aunties downstairs at the void deck)
12. Uncle
13. Auntie
14. Meimei
15. Didi
16. Baby

Jeremiah and drawers

2007-12-18T23:54:00.000-08:00

I heard the drawer opening and closing opening and closing in the room then i went towards the room and as I caught sight of the room from the door, there the little rascal, yes, our dear little Jeremiah was opening and closing the drawer of the bedside table.

I put my arms on my hips and in an almost scolding tone went "Who's playing with the drawers?"

Our dear friend quickly back off from the drawers and shook his head saying "NO..... NO....." *certainly not me kinda face*

It was such a sight.... my seventeen month old baby is growing up to be a BIG BOY :)

not that I'm happy my baby is playing with drawers.... but my baby is going the way the usual baby does :) inquisitive... cause and effect.... it opens? it close! haha

How did the MCU go?

2007-12-18T07:48:00.000-08:00

We reached KKH at about 1615hr, quickly registered and was sent along to wait outside the procedure room. A nurse came out and told me to change Jere into the gown. I changed him and he was still quite unsuspecting of what was going on. In his gown, he continued to play outside the waiting area.

Then someone from the room came out and called for Jeremiah. I went into the room with him. The doctor then briefly explained to me what the procedure about.... how they were gonna insert a catheter in and put in some contrast solution and then see how the bladder reacts and if there was any reflux. Then they told me I had to leave the room while they inserted the catheter and come in only when they were done.

I left the room and Jere was almost gonna cry as he kinda suspect now something was quite amiss. I whispered into his ear that Jesus loves Jeremiah and He will heal Jeremiah and Jere responded with an "AMEN" which kinda amazed the people in the room too.

Waiting outside the room, I could hear Jere's loud wailing. Poor baby. However, each time i heard his cries, I told myself. He feels. He senses the pain otherwise why would he wail?

I prayed for strength and I thought of Mother Mary and Jesus. Mother Mary is just so so amazing and faithful. She submitted to the will of God seeing her only son Jesus being tortured, scourged and crucified when He had done no wrong. Her heart must have bled so much. What's this little cross that Jeremiah's carrying? What's this little pain I feel?

Then the door opened and the medical staff asked me to go in.

There I saw little Jerry strapped down to the "space craft". I quickly held his hands and assured him mummy is there with him. His cries were uncontrollable. Nothing seemed to comfort him. It was certainly scary to be strapped to that darn thing with something else coming close down almost on your face and being strapped totally with no defence at all wondering the thing on top would it ever slam down on your face is definitely what I felt for little Jerry. It's almost like Indiana Jones and the temple of doom. Poor baby.

I talked and talked to little Jerry with tears streaming down my own face singing all the hymns familiar to him. From Jesus saves to Jesus loves you to Song of a Young Prophet to It's a great day to praise the Lord to What a friend we have in Jesus.... Slowly but surely God's peace transcended all understanding. The peace guarded our hearts and minds.

My peace I give unto you
It's a peace that the world cannot give
It's a peace that the world cannot understand
Peace to know, peace to live,
My peace I give unto you.

My tears dried up and I just kept singing....

What seemed almost like eternity soon ended and the Dr said "ok, you can carry him now"

I quickly got him out of "the craft". Jerry cried till his whole head was wet and his face was full of his tears and mucous from the nose. As they invited me out, I couldn't help but turn around and asked the Dr how did the thing look.

Normally, the Dr or radiologist won't want to comment and would say "your specialist would explain to you"
But the Dr said, "Good. No reflux! He can empty his bladder a little on his own. Looks like he will recover his condition in time but till then you gotta keep monitoring and treatment."
I couldn't help but say out loud "Thank you Lord! Praise the Lord!". I was just a little short of shouting it out.

Jerry was so so sweet. When I told him to be nice and say bye bye before leaving, he took out the pacifier that he was sucking for comfort and muttered his "bubbye" waving at all in the room.

I know Jeremiah was given to me for a purpose. God will raise up and set free is the meaning of Jeremiah and God will definitely do that for my little Jerry. Jeremiah will be exalted of the Lord. Jeremiah is my little brave warrior and the battle is the Lord's. Our God will reign VICTORIOUS!

Yes Jeremiah will be healed. He will recover his condition in time. Jeremiah will be restored and will be raised up and be set free! In Jesus name we pray. AMEN AMEN AMEN! ALLELUIA! ALLELUIA! ALLELUIA!

and with this I shall end this post with a song of thanksgiving.

Thank You Lord!
I come before you today
And there's just one thing that I want to say
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
For all you've given to me
For all the blessings that I cannot see
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

**With a grateful heart
With a song of praise
With an outstretch arm
I will bless your name
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord
I just wanna thank you lord
Thank you lord

For all you've done in my life
You took my darkness and gave me your light
Thank you lord
Thank you lord
You took my sin and my shame
You took my sickness and healed all my pain
Thank you lord
Thank you lord

Healing Mass

2007-12-14T00:33:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow at Church of St Michael's

Healing mass at
15th December 2007
3rd Sat Mass with Healing Service
Church of St Michael
Rosary session 6.45pm
Praise & Worship 7.30pm
Mass with healing session 8.00pm

See u there! God bless!